Librarian low points (part 1)

• Checking out a book just so you don't have to figure out how to reshelve it in a very full set of shelves.
• Bringing in your own bathroom soap from home
• Receiving your third pair of literary-themed socks
• Walking by that patron that is always taking their shoes off/sitting in the aisle/talking too loudly on the phone and, for once, just pretending to yourself that you didn't see them
• Having the dream where it's your evening shift and you can't go home until you get all the patrons to leave for the night, but more and more of them just keep coming in

Working a shift at a branch today

Where is the little people's area? [Kids, not adults who are very short]

I want to get my GED. Can the library help me?

A toddler is crying loudly while I check out her mom's books. In an attempt to help, I make a funny face at her when she makes eye contact with me. She reacts by turning up the crying to a full meltdown.

Another patron who wants to get on a computer without a library card and, when told the policy, wants us to break it for him, but won't SAY that that's what he wants.

Can you get a book out of storage for us? Swiss Family Robinson? Oh wait, I mean an audiobook.

Can I do community service at the library? [The answer depends on if they mean the court-ordered kind or not.]

This computer won't play any sound even though I have my headphones plugged in.

Where do you keep the books on request?

There is a glass wall between the children's section and the adult section at this branch. Library assistant at the reference desk calls down to the checkout desk to tell me that a man has walked full-speed into it and gotten a bloody nose--"Just a heads up, I gave him an ice pack and some paper towels and I think he's going to be fine, but I'm going to submit an incident report."

Mom is signing her six kids up for library cards and has to fill out a consent form that is thoughtfully streamlined so that parents of more than one child don't have to sign multiple forms, they just have to add a line with each child's name and date of birth. But still she asks "Do I have to write down ALL of  them?"

Patron: Do you have a copier?
Me: Yes. Well, we have a scanner, you need to scan to print.
Patron: I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do that.

A librarian from another branch called--a patron had an interlibrary loan sent to you, but he changed his mind about where he wants to pick it up. Can you send it over here instead?

Homeless regular: Hi Miss...Sarah?

Pretty close, pretty close.

I lost my library card. Is there any way I can still check out books?

Two different patrons ask me how many books they can have checked out on heir library card (50 at a time)--one is horrified by how much that is, one is concerned it won't be enough.