Still gross

 When I started this blog more than 10 years ago, I was in my early 20s and got harassed by creepy patrons ALL THE TIME. It has its own tag in the blog.

Now that I spend less time on desk and I'm in my 30s, it's been literal years since it's happened to me. But today I was filling in at a branch and doing a 'roam' around the public floor and a very Anglo-looking patron said "Hola" to me. Being polite, I said it back, but when he followed up with "¿Como estás?" after I'd already passed him, I pretended I didn't hear and just kept walking. I was not at all surprised when he said "damn, that ass!" as I was not quite out of earshot.

The sexual harassment is much less nerve-wracking than it was when I was young, but it was still exactly as gross.

T.M.Very-I.

We have a regular patron who is an older man, maybe around 70. He comes in most days to read the newspaper, and all the staff know his name and greet him when he arrives. Today he asked one of our library assistants if she would read over his writing and give him some feedback. The notebook he gave her turned out to include a sort of essay about each staff member in the library and why he found them attractive. It was...very explicit.

I advised her to return the notebook to him and let him know that what he had shared was "too personal" for her to read.

Yikes.

My new boss

Photo credit: Kumar Appaiah: https://www.flickr.com/photos/akumar/3180900835

I had a meeting with the new boss of Downtown Library today, my previous boss having recently retired. My new boss was previously at West Side Branch so I already know her and am one of her fans. You will see why. I met with her because I am going to an outreach event next week and we were talking strategy.


New Boss on not using flyers as a substitute for personal connection: "Paper is a substitute for conversation and action, it doesn't do anything...except maybe if it's a warrant."


On having something interesting at your booth to get people's attention: "People aren't just going to come over because you're pretty. Well, maybe some are, but those aren't the ones we want."


She began her tenure at Downtown Library by trashing our typewriter, which Past Boss wouldn't get rid of because a couple of times a year people came in wanting to use it to fill out forms. She sent an email out to all staff announcing its "retirement" with the subject heading "Sad news."

What's orange...

"...and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"


A patron told me this joke this afternoon. He also asked me if I got burned when I went out in the sun, and I said yes, and he said "It's because the sun is jealous of your beauty! It's trying to burn it off."


I still don't, and will never, like being flirted with at work, but at least this patron made me laugh, too.

Brought to you by the letter B

B is for bathroom, basement, and boyfriend.


"Excuse me, do you work here?"
"Yes, how can I help you?"
"What beautiful eyes!"
"Thank you...how can I help you?"
"Excuse me, the man in the bathroom is taking so long. Maybe he is asleep. Is there another bathroom in the library?"
"Yes, down in the basement. If you go out that way and down the stairs or the elevator, it will be right in front of you when you come out."
"Oh, thank you! What button do I push?"
"B, for basement."
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"I'm married."
"Oh. Oh wow...What button do I push again?"
"B, B for basement."
"Thank you!"



(Picture from http://www.textalibrarian.com/mobileref/42-library-related-memes/)

MAC

MAC, our Most Annoying Caller known for the most insincere "thank you"s, has called like 4 times today, apparently. I got the third call and he went on a rant about how the other staff member he talked to had kept asking him if that was all she could help him with "as though she thought I was flirting with her, but I just have poor vision and I call the library to get those numbers!" Apparently he thought she was being hostile and rude (how ironic!) and wanted me to sympathize.


Not only did I not sympathize, but I had some schadenfreude because one of the phone numbers he asked for was the Traffic Division at the local county courthouse--apparently he wants to fight the speeding ticket he got recently!

Today's harrasment

Patron: Do you have any lotion?
Me: No, we don't, sorry.
Patron: No, do you have any?
Me: No, I don't, sorry.
Patron: Really? You don't have any in your purse? Someday you'll get more ladylike...I guess you look like sort of an Indiana Jones type.
Me: I'm sorry I don't have any lotion. Can I help you with anything else?
Patron: A great big hug.
Me: Can I help you with anything library-related?


Five seconds later, different patron: Can I borrow a pen, babe?


Ick, ick ick!

Update on engagement rings

One of the frustrations of working at a public service desk is that you are kind of trapped into listening to people who don't actually need help (at least not help that you can give them), they just want to talk to you. Usually this takes the form of legal and medical complaints, but the form I find the most unpleasant is being hit on. It doesn't seem to matter what your attitude is, what gender you are, or how you look--as far as I can tell, everyone in customer service experiences it at least sometimes. So I am already primed to cringe whenever a patron starts asking me about my personal life or commenting on my appearance. You start being able to see the signs of unreciprocated flirting pretty early in the interaction.


A while ago I wrote a post speculating on whether getting a fake engagement ring would cut down on this unwanted attention. I never actually bought a ring solely for the purpose of deterring flirtatious patrons. However, about halfway between that post and now, I actually got engaged and now have a non-fake ring. And it has made a huge difference in how I am treated. A single example from earlier this week: In an interaction that really seemed to be veering toward creepy, I incidentally gestured with my left hand, not as a deliberate way to draw attention to my ring, just to point something out or hand the patron something. Immediately, he stopped what he was saying and said "What a beautiful ring! Are you married?" I said that I was engaged, and he said "Congratulations! Thanks so much for your help!" and walked away.


This is an interesting time to be discussing this issue because at the last American Library Association conference (or maybe two conferences ago) there was a big kerfuffle about conduct at the conference that some people saw as sexual harassment and others didn't. The recriminations and arguments spilled out of the conference to libraryland in general. Various library bloggers posted about it, some at a more reasonable and high-minded level than others, and eventually a "Statement of Appropriate Conduct at ALA conferences" was produced.


The debate basically came down to this: people want to feel safe and comfortable and respected at the conference. But librarians are also very much about academic and intellectual freedom, free speech, and providing access and protection to minority viewpoints. Some people argued that coming down hard on sexual language or other controversial speech went against what librarianship stood for as a profession.


As you can see in the Statement, the ALA basically erred on the side of prohibiting potentially objectionable speech. At a private gathering like a conference, the organization has the right to set its own rules, even if not everyone thinks the rules that were chosen reflect what the organization claims its values are. The more interesting question to me is what library staff should expect, and be expected, to tolerate in a regular work setting. Obviously a patron asking if you are single, asking for your phone number, etc. is not at the same level as some of the statements that were made at the conference and is not necessarily sexual harassment. However, it is rare to find an instance of a library staff member who finds being flirted with, asked out, etc. by a patron to be anything other than unwelcome. Despite this, I have never heard a colleague say to a patron: "Your attention is making me uncomfortable. Please stop talking about my appearance and/or asking about my personal life." I have never seen a policy about when this would or would not be appropriate or allowed.


As happy as I am that I am personally no longer the object of much unwanted attention, it doesn't seem fair that my relationship status (and the fact that the fiancé is a bit traditional and wanted and could afford to buy a ring) should affect my job in this way. What about everyone not wearing a ring? Should every employee be issued a fake wedding ring along with his nametag? Do we need to develop a culture where it is acceptable to tell a patron to cease and desist? Or is this unwanted attention part and parcel of working with the public, and something we just have to try to learn to let go?


I expect this issue is much broader than just a library issue. I'm curious about any thoughts other people might have about their jobs, especially if they work in customer service, or if they had a successful relationship that started with someone being asked out at work.

More of the same

Man somewhat older than my parents whose interlibrary loan I checked on for him: "If I were 30 years younger I would ask you out in a heartbeat! You are so pretty!...Thank you, have a good afternoon!"

Ambivalent

Not okay: Creepy 20-something and 30-something guys asking if I have a boyfriend or just plain asking me out.

At least tolerable: Sweet Spanish-speaking grandmas asking if I am married--scouting for their sons

I am one of the many things in this library that is Unavailable

I got asked out at the reference desk AGAIN this evening. A fake wedding ring is starting to look like a better and better investment. These both represent about 4-5 hours' salary. Which do you think would be more effective at repelling creepy patrons, the more understated, non-jarring Option A:


http://www.fantasyjewelrybox.com/rs3700.html

or the gaudier, but perhaps more highly visible, Option B?

http://www.fantasyjewelrybox.com/r0363.html