Today I woke up exactly 30 minutes before I was supposed to be at work. I was not prepared for Jumpsuit Man to be my first patron this morning: "Do you have Teaching as a Subversive Act? No!? Seriously? That's a classic!" (We got it through interlibrary loan, and it's actually called Teaching as a Subversive Activity and it was first published in 1969.)
Regular who always comes in to read the newspaper: "Good morning, ladies!"
MUFON Man calls to see if I can help him pick out a computer for his friend's birthday. "Can you please go to w,w,w,dot,staples,dot,com?"
"Good morning, ladies!" regular: Yesterday I sent an email to the Trump campaign...I've been a supporter from the beginning, but lately they've been talking to me like I'm an idiot...I don't want to donate money online, because anytime you do anything online there are hackers trying to get into it...a money order is better...I told them they can kiss my ass. Can I say 'ass' on a library computer? It's in that book right over there...anyway, they wrote back and apologized and now they're all nice to me...I'm gonna write in Bernie anyway.
Janis: Hi Emma...Hi Emma!...I'll put my ice water on the floor.
Do you have any books on stencils? Clip art? What about those Indian things? Mendelas?
Janis: Can you help me find Big Brother and the Holding Company, full concert!?
Someone has been trying to log into Minecraft of one of the catalog computers.
Patron: Can you help me find books on building a garage or a pole barn?
Me: Sure. So you're looking at building a completely new building on your property, not redoing one that's already there?
Patron: Well, the bank's property, but yeah.
I need help with the printer.
MUFON Man: I was wondering if you could you help me with a number for the Post Office.
A woman hands me her ID.
Me: Hi, how can I help you?
Woman (glaring): ...sorry, I need a scanner. I forgot what I wanted for a minute. I thought you'd know because I always get it.
I lost my library card. What should I do?
Patron: Stupid question, but [shows me library card]: This is your library card, right?
Me: Yes. Are you having trouble getting on the computers?
Patron: Yes, it gives me an error message.
Me: Mind if I take a look at your account?...Oh, I'm afraid your card is expired. You don't have any fines or anything, so if you have an ID with you, it's a simple process to--
Patron: Let me guess. I have to go downstairs.
My explorer is not working.
Excuse me, I'm at a website that is telling me to fill out a form, but no form appears.
Can you show me where 921 is?
Bye, Emma! I'm leaving now. The bottom button on the elevator, right, Emma? Bye!
MUFON Man: Could you help me with the phone number for the Sprint store?
MUFON Man calls again: I'm sorry, I needed the one at the Westwood Town Mall. Thank you so much! I appreciate all your help. Also, could you help me with the number for Builder's Reclaimed Lumber Supplies?
Can you tell me why my card isn't working? I know I only have a two dollar fine!
Help someone with her timesheet system online.
Caller: I wanted to see if you had a book or could put me on hold for a book. It's called Prime.
Me: Is it by Poppy Brite?
Caller: No, she had an Indian name. Like from India.
Me: Hm...can you tell me anything else about the book?
Caller: Well, you know how they are saying now that everything is about your gut? You make your gut healthy and that will affect all parts of your body? She's a natural doctor and her book is about that.
Me: Might it be The Prime : prepare and repair your body for spontaneous weight loss by Kulreet Chaudhary?
Caller: yes, that's it! Thank you!
Patron: Do you have any books about wickham?
Me: Let me see. Can you tell me any more about that?
Patron: You know, like white magic.
Me: Unfortunately, it looks like most of our books about Wicca are checked out. Would you like me to put in a request to have something sent over for you from another library?
Patron: No, I just want to see what you have here. How about this one? Do any of these look good?
Patron: I don't want anything about witches. They do good magic. They don't believe in warlocks and stuff.
Me: Well, this one you are interested in is a history of witches, so it looks like it will only cover Wicca right at the end.
Him: That's fine. I don't want to practice it, I just want to be able to talk to my coworkers about it.
Going over to shush a group of people who are yukking it up by the oversize books: "I think you know what I'm going to say to you."
The patrons look at me blankly.
Me: I'm glad you're having a good time in the library, but please keep it quiet.
No response. Then, as I am walking away, the man asks: "Is Trump a genius?"
Me: I'm not supposed to talk about politics at work.
The patrons all start laughing again, but at least they are doing it more quietly now.
Message from coworker: Just looked at the weather forecast. You might want to brush up on our tornado procedure.
Phone call: Can you go on Google or something and find out if there are any support groups for back pain in the area?
New phone call: I was watching the national news and they said there are credit cards where you can get six percent cash back on groceries and gas, but they didn't name them. They said a web address but it was too fast. Could you find that information for me?
Even newer phone call: I'd like the number for [local eldercare facility].
Um...what does it cost to print?
My password works and everything, but when I try to go to my email, there's a picture of someone else's face!
Do you think you could help me download a video?
Call: In your computer lab on the second floor...is there a computer with a scanner hooked up to it?
Call: Could I have the number for Stein Mart in Grand Rapids?
At 25 minutes until close: Hi. I need to print something?
And, here's Loud Background Noise Woman calling. Time to go!
Showing posts with label Loud Background Noise Woman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loud Background Noise Woman. Show all posts
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Whining
Grumpy librarians at the end of the work week, waiting for the library to be shut down so we can leave.
"I know I've been here all night and now it's two minutes before closing, but I want to check out all these books. And pay my fines. And renew my library card."
"It's 5:50 p.m., time for the lady who wants all the addresses to call. No, A as in AWFUL!"
"Why are the computers turned off? I need to print a thousand pages right now!"
"Katie, I can't get into Yahoo. Can't you tell me my password? Doesn't the library keep a list!?"
"I know I've been here all night and now it's two minutes before closing, but I want to check out all these books. And pay my fines. And renew my library card."
"It's 5:50 p.m., time for the lady who wants all the addresses to call. No, A as in AWFUL!"
"Why are the computers turned off? I need to print a thousand pages right now!"
"Katie, I can't get into Yahoo. Can't you tell me my password? Doesn't the library keep a list!?"
Friday, March 11, 2016
News
Last night was a night of unusually good reference questions, prompted by the news media.
Loud Background Noise Woman, who usually wants contact info for various organizations and famous people, described a U.S.A. Today article she had read that had included an unfamiliar word she meant to look up. Unfortunately, she lost the paper on which she had copied it down. However, from describing its context I could tell her that the word was "vitriol."
Another patron called asking for more information on a New York Times headline he read--was it true that evidence had come out suggesting that kidney transplants that were not a 'match' were still worthwhile? I looked into it and I think it is a Johns Hopkins study described here, which found that getting a mismatched kidney soon was better for patients in need than waiting a long period in the hopes of getting a matched kidney in the future. I was so excited that he brought the study to my attention that I said so, and we had a short, pleasant little exchange, which ended with me saying, "Thanks for calling, have a good night" and him replying "Hang on to your kidneys!" before he hung up.
Loud Background Noise Woman, who usually wants contact info for various organizations and famous people, described a U.S.A. Today article she had read that had included an unfamiliar word she meant to look up. Unfortunately, she lost the paper on which she had copied it down. However, from describing its context I could tell her that the word was "vitriol."
Another patron called asking for more information on a New York Times headline he read--was it true that evidence had come out suggesting that kidney transplants that were not a 'match' were still worthwhile? I looked into it and I think it is a Johns Hopkins study described here, which found that getting a mismatched kidney soon was better for patients in need than waiting a long period in the hopes of getting a matched kidney in the future. I was so excited that he brought the study to my attention that I said so, and we had a short, pleasant little exchange, which ended with me saying, "Thanks for calling, have a good night" and him replying "Hang on to your kidneys!" before he hung up.
Friday, October 9, 2015
"Zip" code
My boss's mom calls. When she tries to read an ebook she has checked out, all the body text shows up as totally blank--header and footer only. Yikes.
Coworker to patron who is struggling to use the stapler (yes, the stapler): Can I help you with that?
Patron who neither me nor my coworker helped: Thank you!
One of our regular callers (always very rude an impatient) calls for some information about the Houston Texans. He wants the address, and says, "And what's the so-called zip code?"
As soon as I pick up the phone to talk to him, the other line rings and my coworker has to get that one. When I hear her say, "I am seeing someone by that name here in town, but not in El Paso, Texas...oh, I thought you said she was in El Paso" I think I probably got the better deal.
High-level librarian from the admin office comes to talk to me about a little presentation I'm doing for our staff development day. I think we're done when I go off to help someone but later I see she has hung around to ask one of us to call security--she just saw three men go into the two-stall men's bathroom. I haven't heard the outcome of this yet but I am giving 70:30 odds on empty bottles of booze versus drug paraphernalia.
All phones today. Another regular caller wants the addresses of the San Francisco Police Department and a (supposedly) well-known preacher, and then also asks if we have a book called Lord, Let Me Give You A Million Dollars. Not a huge surprise, we don't.
I shouldn't have decided to do a refgrunt today, because of course it is waaaaay too busy.
Spend lots of time with a man needing to fill out a State of Michigan form. This always takes a long time, but in this case it is form tracking his caregiving activities for his brother, and also, he doesn't really read, so it's basically impossible. His wife/girlfriend is there and clearly has a better grasp of both reading and computing. She also seems to be itching to do it for him but for some reason restrains herself.
Help two women apply for a job at Dollar General, fails when it turns out they need an email address, which they have but don't know the password to. They are really nice but smell so heavily of smoke it is hard to breathe while working with them. Then when I tell them we are open on weekends, they say, "Oh, are you going to be here?"
When I finally make it to the desk, coworker says, "I need your help trying to track down a poem that might or might not exist." Again, despite how busy I am, I think I'm getting the long end of the stick.
Another of our odd regulars wants me to print out this picture of a 1999 Popular Mechanics cover for him. Apparently we did this before, but he lost it. I wimp out and don't take up the issue of copyright.
Number for a local plastic surgeon (more phones!).
Security guard comes to give us a printout of a security camera photo of a patron suspected to be stalking children at another branch. I recognize him--that guy comes in here all the time! Oh no.
One of our rare phone patrons who is actually nice, just wants the phone number for a local bank.
Man with a book from the staff picks display: Can these be checked out, or do you have to read them here?
Computer 24 has a virus.
How do I start this quiz on my computer?
More phone number calls. I really wish people would use phone books.
Coworker to patron who is struggling to use the stapler (yes, the stapler): Can I help you with that?
Patron who neither me nor my coworker helped: Thank you!
One of our regular callers (always very rude an impatient) calls for some information about the Houston Texans. He wants the address, and says, "And what's the so-called zip code?"
As soon as I pick up the phone to talk to him, the other line rings and my coworker has to get that one. When I hear her say, "I am seeing someone by that name here in town, but not in El Paso, Texas...oh, I thought you said she was in El Paso" I think I probably got the better deal.
High-level librarian from the admin office comes to talk to me about a little presentation I'm doing for our staff development day. I think we're done when I go off to help someone but later I see she has hung around to ask one of us to call security--she just saw three men go into the two-stall men's bathroom. I haven't heard the outcome of this yet but I am giving 70:30 odds on empty bottles of booze versus drug paraphernalia.
All phones today. Another regular caller wants the addresses of the San Francisco Police Department and a (supposedly) well-known preacher, and then also asks if we have a book called Lord, Let Me Give You A Million Dollars. Not a huge surprise, we don't.
I shouldn't have decided to do a refgrunt today, because of course it is waaaaay too busy.
Spend lots of time with a man needing to fill out a State of Michigan form. This always takes a long time, but in this case it is form tracking his caregiving activities for his brother, and also, he doesn't really read, so it's basically impossible. His wife/girlfriend is there and clearly has a better grasp of both reading and computing. She also seems to be itching to do it for him but for some reason restrains herself.
Help two women apply for a job at Dollar General, fails when it turns out they need an email address, which they have but don't know the password to. They are really nice but smell so heavily of smoke it is hard to breathe while working with them. Then when I tell them we are open on weekends, they say, "Oh, are you going to be here?"
When I finally make it to the desk, coworker says, "I need your help trying to track down a poem that might or might not exist." Again, despite how busy I am, I think I'm getting the long end of the stick.
Another of our odd regulars wants me to print out this picture of a 1999 Popular Mechanics cover for him. Apparently we did this before, but he lost it. I wimp out and don't take up the issue of copyright.
Number for a local plastic surgeon (more phones!).
Security guard comes to give us a printout of a security camera photo of a patron suspected to be stalking children at another branch. I recognize him--that guy comes in here all the time! Oh no.
One of our rare phone patrons who is actually nice, just wants the phone number for a local bank.
Man with a book from the staff picks display: Can these be checked out, or do you have to read them here?
Computer 24 has a virus.
How do I start this quiz on my computer?
More phone number calls. I really wish people would use phone books.
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Recovery refgrunt
After the last two posts (especially the last one) this blog has to have something more cheerful. There'd better be some funny reference questions today.
Man who's arrived promptly at 9: "Where are the free comics?" This question isn't as odd as it sounds; it is Free Comic Book Day today, after all.
Patron: Can you show me some books about Microsoft Word? I need to pass this test.
Me: Sure! [shows her a shelf full of Word books]
Patron [picking up a book from the shelf below about Excel]: What about this one? Do you think this is a good one?
Weird guy who teaches the citizenship class wants to know if he can keep his two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew in the staff fridge. Nope. Probably not even if you hadn't been so rude to me when I was a new employee.
Phone call for contact information for a small press. He wants to buy one of their book series. This guy is a regular caller and is super-nice, but he always wants to tell you at length about how get this week's book is and why you should read it, and they are all nutty. This week's selection is Anastasia.
Restroom?
Travel books? China?
China Travel comes back--"There's a white-haired lady coming up too. My wife. Could you just....shoot her back toward that corner [where the travel section is]? Great!"
Me to white-haired lady: "Looking for your husband, by any chance?" (She was, fortunately. Hope China Travel was he.)
Can I check this out downstairs or do I have to check it out here [on the second floor]?
Trade a patron a nickel for five of her pennies since the copier won't take the latter.
"I'm looking for the men's, uh...facility." (bathroom, not jail.)
"Do you have a twin? The young lady at the [unintelligible, sounded like 'car park'] looks just like you! I thought I was in Inception!"
Bathroom again.
Security guard drops by--apparently someone clogged the toilet in the downstairs men's bathroom with loose tobacco and rolling papers, so it's closed. That explains a lot (in a way).
Materials for studying for the medical assisting exam? Books are all checked out, but we have an online course!
Slow cooker cookbooks? Sewing? Wow, this is a big library.
Do you have a pen I can have? I have a pen you can borrow. No, do you have an extra one that I can keep? No, we don't give them away, sorry.
From my desk I have a good view of the print release station, so I know when to leap up and intervene when someone is getting a "no jobs for this user at this terminal" error message. It's hard to find a way to say "It didn't print because you never hit the 'print' button" that doesn't make someone feel stupid.
Yes, the printer will make change for your quarter.
OMG! Earthquake! Ben the security guard and I have a nonverbal exchange from across the room: "WTF was that?/I don't know/me either/I'm Googling it right now." Lots of the patrons look around/at me, but no one freaks out, luckily. The main earthquake tracker website's page for our area is down, suggesting that we aren't the only ones who felt it.
Odd patron comes up to the desk: "Do you make change for a dollar?"
Less odd patron comes up to the desk--"Did I really just feel that?"
Phone call which I am 99% sure will be "Did an earthquake just happen!?" but she just wants to know if we have a subscription to Ancestry.com.
Phone call: Did Princess Kate have her baby? (Yes!)
Is there someone here who can help me with my Kindle?
Unfortunately, fifteen minutes of investigation reveal that her problem is that she's forgotten the password to her Kindle account, and that I can't help with.
While I'm helping the woman with the Kindle, the BBC Farsi Man comes up. Patrons, especially patrons who have communication challenges, often pick a preferred library staff member because that person can rely on their history for a lot of clues about what they're trying to say. I'm the chosen librarian of BBC Farsi Man. This is the first time I've ever seen him be rude--he's annoyed that my colleague helps him and won't interrupt me so that I can help him.
Finally a phone call about the earthquake. I've had this tab lurking open for ages and I can finally use it!
Any more City tax forms? Sorry, we're out of ones you can take for free. You can photocopy our reference copy, though.
Oh no. I told the earthquake caller that the magnitude was 4.0, but now I see it's been upgraded to a 4.2!
We have a system where the person on the left hand ref desk answers the phone and the person on the right hand desk answers email reference. Someone's written in to complain about the limited functionality of our public computers but hasn't supplied a return email address. Coworker grumbles--"If they're not going to tell me who they are, I'm not going to forward it onto the help desk. Just kidding."
No, I can't tell you if the dosage of Klonopin prescribed to your friend by her doctor is too high, sorry. Would you like general information about what WebMD and the Mayo Clinic says about dosage guidelines that is absolutely not medical advice in any way? Good.
Can I check out books here?
Nice middle- or high-school aged girl wants CDs to help her Arabic-speaking mom learn English and study for the citizenship test. "I was like, 'mom, just go to the library and see what they have!' but she didn't want to so I thought I would get some for her." Awww!
Girl comes back: Oh, can she have some dream interpretation books too? This is the only time I've ever cheerfully shown someone the dream interpretation books.
Someone has one of those mylar helium balloons with them at the computer.
Loud Background Noise woman calls for three addresses--only one of the people is our database. Bummer.
Ben from security asks us to give him the info of the guy using computer 39. Pornography? (ick.)
Do you have the book My Story by Elizabeth Smart? Yes we do!
Do you have any books on institutional chaplaincy? No, sorry.
Can I buy some headphones?
I need the book 'Levine.'
Is that the person who wrote it?
Yes.
Hm. Do you know the person's first name?
You know, Mr. Bean.
Ohhhhh, okay. I'm afraid he doesn't have a book.
DVD?
Yes. That would be downstairs.
Okay!
BBC Farsi Man asks me to write down the (English) name of the video he's watching. He can see he's almost out of computer time and he wants to be able to find it again tomorrow. Smart!
When does the new Star Wars movie come out?
Well, we close in ten minutes. Goodnight!
Man who's arrived promptly at 9: "Where are the free comics?" This question isn't as odd as it sounds; it is Free Comic Book Day today, after all.
Patron: Can you show me some books about Microsoft Word? I need to pass this test.
Me: Sure! [shows her a shelf full of Word books]
Patron [picking up a book from the shelf below about Excel]: What about this one? Do you think this is a good one?
Weird guy who teaches the citizenship class wants to know if he can keep his two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew in the staff fridge. Nope. Probably not even if you hadn't been so rude to me when I was a new employee.
Phone call for contact information for a small press. He wants to buy one of their book series. This guy is a regular caller and is super-nice, but he always wants to tell you at length about how get this week's book is and why you should read it, and they are all nutty. This week's selection is Anastasia.
Restroom?
Travel books? China?
China Travel comes back--"There's a white-haired lady coming up too. My wife. Could you just....shoot her back toward that corner [where the travel section is]? Great!"
Me to white-haired lady: "Looking for your husband, by any chance?" (She was, fortunately. Hope China Travel was he.)
Can I check this out downstairs or do I have to check it out here [on the second floor]?
Trade a patron a nickel for five of her pennies since the copier won't take the latter.
"I'm looking for the men's, uh...facility." (bathroom, not jail.)
"Do you have a twin? The young lady at the [unintelligible, sounded like 'car park'] looks just like you! I thought I was in Inception!"
Bathroom again.
Security guard drops by--apparently someone clogged the toilet in the downstairs men's bathroom with loose tobacco and rolling papers, so it's closed. That explains a lot (in a way).
Materials for studying for the medical assisting exam? Books are all checked out, but we have an online course!
Slow cooker cookbooks? Sewing? Wow, this is a big library.
Do you have a pen I can have? I have a pen you can borrow. No, do you have an extra one that I can keep? No, we don't give them away, sorry.
From my desk I have a good view of the print release station, so I know when to leap up and intervene when someone is getting a "no jobs for this user at this terminal" error message. It's hard to find a way to say "It didn't print because you never hit the 'print' button" that doesn't make someone feel stupid.
Yes, the printer will make change for your quarter.
OMG! Earthquake! Ben the security guard and I have a nonverbal exchange from across the room: "WTF was that?/I don't know/me either/I'm Googling it right now." Lots of the patrons look around/at me, but no one freaks out, luckily. The main earthquake tracker website's page for our area is down, suggesting that we aren't the only ones who felt it.
Odd patron comes up to the desk: "Do you make change for a dollar?"
Less odd patron comes up to the desk--"Did I really just feel that?"
Phone call which I am 99% sure will be "Did an earthquake just happen!?" but she just wants to know if we have a subscription to Ancestry.com.
Phone call: Did Princess Kate have her baby? (Yes!)
Is there someone here who can help me with my Kindle?
Unfortunately, fifteen minutes of investigation reveal that her problem is that she's forgotten the password to her Kindle account, and that I can't help with.
While I'm helping the woman with the Kindle, the BBC Farsi Man comes up. Patrons, especially patrons who have communication challenges, often pick a preferred library staff member because that person can rely on their history for a lot of clues about what they're trying to say. I'm the chosen librarian of BBC Farsi Man. This is the first time I've ever seen him be rude--he's annoyed that my colleague helps him and won't interrupt me so that I can help him.
Finally a phone call about the earthquake. I've had this tab lurking open for ages and I can finally use it!
Any more City tax forms? Sorry, we're out of ones you can take for free. You can photocopy our reference copy, though.
Oh no. I told the earthquake caller that the magnitude was 4.0, but now I see it's been upgraded to a 4.2!
We have a system where the person on the left hand ref desk answers the phone and the person on the right hand desk answers email reference. Someone's written in to complain about the limited functionality of our public computers but hasn't supplied a return email address. Coworker grumbles--"If they're not going to tell me who they are, I'm not going to forward it onto the help desk. Just kidding."
No, I can't tell you if the dosage of Klonopin prescribed to your friend by her doctor is too high, sorry. Would you like general information about what WebMD and the Mayo Clinic says about dosage guidelines that is absolutely not medical advice in any way? Good.
Can I check out books here?
Nice middle- or high-school aged girl wants CDs to help her Arabic-speaking mom learn English and study for the citizenship test. "I was like, 'mom, just go to the library and see what they have!' but she didn't want to so I thought I would get some for her." Awww!
Girl comes back: Oh, can she have some dream interpretation books too? This is the only time I've ever cheerfully shown someone the dream interpretation books.
Someone has one of those mylar helium balloons with them at the computer.
Loud Background Noise woman calls for three addresses--only one of the people is our database. Bummer.
Ben from security asks us to give him the info of the guy using computer 39. Pornography? (ick.)
Do you have the book My Story by Elizabeth Smart? Yes we do!
Do you have any books on institutional chaplaincy? No, sorry.
Can I buy some headphones?
I need the book 'Levine.'
Is that the person who wrote it?
Yes.
Hm. Do you know the person's first name?
You know, Mr. Bean.
Ohhhhh, okay. I'm afraid he doesn't have a book.
DVD?
Yes. That would be downstairs.
Okay!
BBC Farsi Man asks me to write down the (English) name of the video he's watching. He can see he's almost out of computer time and he wants to be able to find it again tomorrow. Smart!
When does the new Star Wars movie come out?
Well, we close in ten minutes. Goodnight!
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