Dog #3 (I think)

Today I caught a pug that wandered into the library and released him back into the neighborhood. I THINK this is dog #3 that I have captured and removed from a library, but I'm not even 100% sure, which I feel says a lot.

Dog in the library (again)

I was working at the front desk at one of the branches last week. This branch has a long lobby/breezeway thing between the front doors and the 'real' library entrance. The desk is sort of around the corner so you can't see the exterior doors.

 Since I am a sub at this branch, they usually put me on the desk with someone experienced, but today one of the shelvers sat down at the other desk and said "Hi, not to worry you, but this is literally my second shift on desk. Will you help me if I get in over my head?"

 So of course, this was the day a patron came and told us that "A giant dog is coming in and out of the front doors of the library. He doesn't seem aggressive, but he's making people nervous to come in."

 The sweet-seeming Great Pyrenees was Gone When Police (or rather Animal Control) arrived.

Storytime (again)

We have a new children's librarian so I'm not longer doing storytime every week (hooray!) but I'm still her backup so I've been acting as her assistant the last few weeks so I can learn the routine if I need to fill in. Her storytimes are super-fun and I think she's doing a great job, but here are some of the concerns she brings to me:

"I introduced a frog puppet this week and I thought the kids weren't really into him, but when I put him away, a little girl started bawling and going 'but I wanted to touch him!!!' What should I have done?!"

"We were doing 'Herman the Worm.' In the original song he eats fruits but I thought the toddlers wouldn't know what lots of the fruits were so I did animals instead, and I guess I didn't think it through because I did a dog and a cat and a parent got mad at me for singing about pets being eaten."

"We were doing a song with animals and colors and we got to blue and I couldn't think of any blue animals, so I said 'blue cow' and then this week I asked the kids what color a cow is and one of them shouted 'blue!' I think I am a bad influence."

Good (well, decent) Friday patrons

I'm not even supposed to be on the desk this hour. I came out to talk to a crabby patron who wanted to dispute a fine and then got trapped. The patron is mad because we charged her for extensive highlighting and underlining--the book was so bad when it was returned that we took pictures and then withdrew it on the spot. She keeps saying "But you have the book! How are you still charging me if I gave the book back!?"

Are you going to be closed tomorrow?

Can I ask you a wishy-washy question? What do you personally think the phrase "capture the narrative" means?

Kids: We found the Easter eggs you hid. Don’t worry, we hid ‘em again in new spots.

I wanna return these 10 movies, then I'm gonna get 10 more.

How do I print, x3.

How do I get on a computer, x10.

How old do you have to be to get a library card? Can I sign my sister up for one or does my mom have to come?

Can you help me request these books? I wanted the whole series but I only got two because the computer didn’t like me.

Is it possible for me to use a phone anywhere around here?!

A kid has an AMAZING tantrum when her mom won’t let her use the computer. I hand her a board book and she stops just long enough for me to get my hopes up that I'm secretly the Toddler Whisperer, then lets out an eardrum-shattering scream.

Oh, gotta go. I think I just spotted our security guard walking Not a Service Dog past the front door. Boundaries, SG! Boundaries!

This week

Bathroom issues: A man wants to permission to use the women's restroom because whoever is in the single stall in the men's room is taking ages. "If you don't let me in, I'm going to pee on myself right here!"

Later the same day a woman complains that another woman threatened her in the bathroom because she thought she was trying to look through the stall at her. The accuser is a known stirrer-upper-of-drama so I offer her the phone to call the police to report the threat. Surprisingly, police come, and speak to and calm down both ladies involved.

When is there going to be tax help at the library? times 20.

While picking up trash outside the library (I failed to escape this responsibility by transferring to Walnut Bluff) I find two empty beer cans and an empty full-size wine bottle. Yikes.

I fill in for a sick coworker at a kids' craft program. I tried bribing my other staff members (most of whom are very afraid of children) by saying that anyone who sat through the program with me as a sort of exposure therapy could go home an hour early, but no one took me up on it.

A kid at the craft program has a stuffed dog in a Superman costume.
Me: Wow, is that Superdog?
Kid: No, it's Dinodog.
Kid's mom: He has dinosaur pajamas on under the Superman outfit. It's complicated.

A Hispanic guy comes in, sees my white self and my black coworker at the desk, and immediately looks away and pretends he doesn't see us.
Me: Hi, how can we help you?
Him: Uh...no English.
Me: Oh, como podemos ayudar a usted? [Oh, how can we help you?]
Him: Whoa...[I need to print something.]
Me: [Yeah, sure, we can do that!]

My colleague spots me as I am dusting the Spanish section--"Are you trying something, or is this a hint?" Kind of both.

Different colleague is trying and failing to pull out the first wipe in a canister of Lysol wipes, but he can't reach in far enough. He says, "I wonder if this is what t-rexs felt like" and I accidentally crack up loud enough that a patron glares at me.

Not a service dog

I was working on next month's work schedule in my office when one of the staff members on the desk came to get me and said "I'm sorry to bother you, but a woman has tied her dog up inside the library and I don't know what to do."

Sure enough, I went out to the public floor and saw that there was a large golden retriever tied to a newspaper rack in the little vestibule between our lobby and the actual outside. I looked around and didn't see anyone who was obviously the dog's owner, so I went over to the dog, hoping that whoever was with the dog would notice and come and talk to me. As I was approaching the vestibule, another patron came up to the library doors from the outside, looked nervously at this 75-pound dog, and hesitated. As I was trying to figure out if I could maybe stand between the nervous patron and this dog so that the patron could come in, a woman about my age bustled up to me from inside the library and huffed irritably, as though she was incredibly put-upon: "Don't worry about it! I am taking him outside right now!" She unclipped his leash while giving a massive eye roll and stormed out with her golden retriever, turning to whine over her shoulder, "I was just going to print something really quick!"

Welcome to Walnut Bluff

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, I got promoted to be the branch manager at Walnut Bluff, a different location in the same system as Mystery Library. Mystery Library boss finally got back from her vacation so I've now moved over to Walnut Bluff. Being a new manager is exciting, probably too exciting. I had about a week where I didn’t know what to do with myself but now that I know enough to be of some use to the staff it’s gotten crazy. Here's what it's like at thew new job in the new library:

I used to drink a single cup of coffee most mornings and was in plausible “I can quit whenever I want!” denial, but I have rapidly become very addicted.

Staff member warns me—"I really don’t think you should let the embroidery group that comes on Tuesday evenings be out in the public area like they want to. They always bring like an entire dinner and make a huge mess! I personally feel they should be confined to the conference room.”

Rainstorms—one of the library assistants shows me where to put out the buckets.

A grandma and mom get into a heated argument about whether the daughter is qualified to be taking care of her baby son. The police arrive and I have to stay late so I can pry the call report number out of them for admin’s records.

All the regulars have caught on to my existence and have either introduced themselves in a helpful and friendly fashion, and/or tried out their best ’but I didn’t knows’/’everyone else lets me’s/whatevers on me, usually both.

The front doors have to be locked and unlocked with an allyn wrench and I’m really struggling with it. At this rate I’m going to have to observe every single one of my employees do it before I finally figure it out.

The monthly meetings the management team has last four hours. I really hope this is atypical but I’m too embarrassed to ask anyone.

Trying to figure out how to use the antiquated software for using our security cameras is like deliberately slamming my head repeatedly into a brick wall. It doesn’t help that the only password I can find written down (1234, by the way) doesn’t actually work, so I only have access to some of the system features and I can’t tell what doesn’t work because I’m not logged in vs. what I haven’t figured out how to use vs. what just isn’t possible.

I find a domino hidden behind a poster in the children’s area, page says “yyyyyeah, that’s been a problem lately.”

I present a list of demands to our Building and Grounds department for things that we need fixed: New flags for the flagpole out front, paint over the graffiti in the women’s bathroom, replacement bulbs for 4 or 5 lights on the public floor, and someone to clean the outsides of the windows. It’s amazing what level of dirt and brokenness people get used to when it accumulates gradually. Our Buildings liaison says, “Nice to meet you. This building is the same age as I am so we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

One-on-one introductory meetings with staff—when I close the door behind the first person, he says, grinning, “This is giving me flashbacks to the high school principal’s office.”

A woman wants to bring her ‘service chihuahua’ into the library. Nope, nope, nope.

A different woman is surprised to hear that we are open on Sundays: “I knew deep in my heart that you were closed that day!”

Other duties

This morning a stray dog followed a patron into the library and into our ESL class. I had to scoop him up and carry him outside, where we put out a chipped bowl from the staff kitchen as a water dish for him while we waited for Animal Services to come pick him up.


When I went out later to pick up the dish, someone had stolen it.

A book detection victory

At Small Town Library this morning:

Patron: Sorry in advance, this is a stupid question.

Me: Believe me, it's fine. There are no stupid...

Patron: Is there a way to look up a book if you remember things about it, but not the title or the author?

Me: My first suggestion would be to find a librarian and tell them everything you remember and we'll see if we can find it.

Patron: Okay. It was from a dog's point of view and I think the guy is a repo man and he stumbles across a mystery and then has to solve it.

Me: I have a few ideas! It could be one of a few books by W. Bruce Cameron. He has a series about a repo man who has a dog, the dog isn't the narrator but he's definitely a character in the story, and then he has some other books from dogs' points of view. It also might be this mystery series that is definitely written from the dog's point of view, they're by Spencer Quinn and I think the most famous one is called "Dog On It"...

Patron: I think that first one sounds familiar!

It was The Midnight Plan of the Repo Man by W. Bruce Cameron, and I looked like a wizard to the patron. I ruined the mystique a little bit by confessing that I'd listened to the book within the last year, but I couldn't help it because that book is soooo good* and I couldn't stand giving up a chance to tell someone how excellent it is.


*If you're going to listen to the audio like I did, I actually suggest you listen to the sequel, Repo Madness, because I personally thought the narrator was much better, but if you're going to read it they are both excellent.

My first outreach event

Today I went to a resource fair at a senior housing complex to talk up the library. When I wasn't talking to people I was eavesdropping on the interactions at the nearby booths. The poor woman to my right had her hand in a cast and was having to answer "How did you hurt your arm?" over and over. She had broken up a fight between two dogs. She told this to one visitor and he immediately replied "Was it two Chihuahuas fighting over a taco?"


People are weird.

Dog (or cat) lover?

Phone caller: Hey, honey, can you tell me if Small Town has a Humane Society or animal shelter? I messed up my computer.
Me: Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that! Let me check...Okay, it looks like we don't have our own, but there is a county Humane Society in Next Town Over."
Patron: Okay, I know about that one. Thank you so much for taking out the time to find that out for me!
Me: No trouble! I'm glad we could help, thank you for calling.
Patron: You sound like such a nice person! Have an excellent....life!
Me: Thank you, you too!

A question I wish I'd gotten

What if a patron comes up to the desk and says: “I just need to find out what temperature would be dangerously cold for a Chinese crested hairless dog!”? Find out how you should answer by reading this BookList Online anecdote:http://www.booklistonline.com/ProductInfo.aspx?pid=7707182&AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1

A new ally

We got a new security guard recently who is kind of eccentric. I wasn't 100% sure that I liked him at first but today he won me over completely.


Three patrons came in. You could see that two were blind, and the third lady had a walker. They wanted to know where they could plug in a laptop. Unfortunately, our build is 50 years old, so its electrical outlets are pretty limited. We've got study carrels with power strips taped to them, but all of our tables that accommodate more than two people are standing out in open space with no outlets. You can run a cord from a nearby wall outlet, but technically you aren't supposed to run cords across the floor. Security is in charge of enforcing this since it's a safety issue.


I got the patrons settled at a table and showed them where to plug their laptop into the wall. As I was leaving the security guard checked in with them and I could hear him introducing himself and asking them if they needed any help. He was doing all the things you are supposed to with someone who can't see--talking to them like they were regular people, but giving extra information that they couldn't infer by looking at him (his name, what his job was, etc.). After a few minutes he came up to the desk to check in and I apologized for setting them up so that they'd run a cord across the floor. He said, "Well, there wasn't really a choice. All our stations with good plugs are single-user. Besides, this is a special case so I thought we could make an exception. I just asked them to walk around the other side of the table where there was no cord, and they seem settled."


I guess we were just both relieved to see a dog in the library that was clearly an actual service dog, which is not always the case.

"Good movies" and other recent notable interactions

Yesterday a man and his two friends came in. He asked, "Where are the good movies?" I figured he wanted a particular movie, or to be pointed to the right section of DVDs (ours are separated into Mystery, Action, Comedy, etc.). Nope. Maybe he wants some recommendations. Well, what kind of movies does he like? What has he seen before and what did he think of it? Does he have any favorite actors? Nope. "Last time I came here I just asked and they picked out the movies for me." So I picked him out a semi-random selection of ten DVDs and he walked away happy.


Friends of the Library Board member with a 'service dog' comes in; dog immediately lunges for the children's section (I'm sure it smells fascinating). Coworker grumbles, "You can so tell that's not a real service dog."


Man buys a two-dollar pair of headphones, pays with a check.


Outreach librarian doing a tour: "This desk is where you come for help. You want to know the atomic weight of tungsten, your zip code, whatever, this is the place."


Can you tell me which cities are at least 40 miles away from [City the library is in]?
A. Most of them. B. Does this have anything to do with a restraining order?


Accidental eye contact with someone who is picking his nose. Eew.


Guy who needs help with a computer (the monitor is turned off) asks if me and coworker are sisters. Nope, we're not, but we get asked this on a regular basis because we have the same hair color and nerdy thick-rimmed glasses, and are both white.


Man needs to print some attachments from an email but doesn't know his password. Figuring out your password is not a service we provide, but fortunately his daughter had set up his account for him and had the sense to put in his phone number to get a text as a password recovery option.


Woman wants contact information to write to author Brad Meltzer about the Constitution.


Retired plumber: I was told I could bring my computer in here and maybe you could help me figure out what's wrong with it. (I could! Then he wants to know--do I have a business card?)


Is there somewhere in the library we can go if we need to be loud?


Guy who is coming off of something (?) and is really messed up: A guy back there pointed his fingers at me like a gun and said 'band bang, you dead.' I think he's going to rob me.
Me: Well, that is a threat and we can have security call the police.
Guy: No, I don't want them to get involved.


Teach two different patrons about Craigslist. A new world opens up.

An older couple makes copies of the tax instruction booklet (we weren't able to order copies from the IRS to give away this year; it's a nightmare) without complaining to us or needed assistance with the copier. I would like to thank them for how low-maintenance they are, but I'm so overwhelmed I might cry, which would be awkward.

Mr. Copy-and-Paste

Mr. Copy-and-Paste, my favorite patron, wants to know how to spell "field" and "Natchitoches" (a city in Louisiana) and to tell me that "wolves are so intelligent!"

Oh dear (part two I think)

Today I had to tell a woman that she couldn't have her (non service-dog) puppy in the library, and I found a book on search engine optimization on a returns cart that was pre-Bing.

Refgrunt--now with bonus hour at the customer service desk!

Can I help you?

I need to return this, and to pay a fine, and to check something out, and you are holding a book for me somewhere.

I had one of the mini library cards on my key ring but then I lost my keys. Can I get a new one?

Not a new one with your old number. We can replace your entire card for one dollar. We don’t have the technology to do custom-numbered cards (not even CLOSE to the technology.)

Never mind then.

I charge a patron for a lost item. Somehow I mess this up so badly that the computer system produces an error message that our head of circulation, who has worked in the system for…a million years, has never seen before. Bonus weirdness: He comes in to report that he lost the item but is not actually prepared to pay the fine I assess as a result. So why did you report it today, guy?

Can you check these books in? Wait check them back out, no check them back in. Some of them.

A shy little girl with her mom approaches the desk to ask: “When are the dogs coming to the library?” We had a program last year where you could read to a therapy dog and it was a big hit. I don’t know the answer to this for sure because the summer brochure isn’t out yet but I say they are probably coming in the summer.

Guy who had been laboriously working on a job application at the world’s worst website has it crash on him. It’s logged him out and he has to navigate all the way back to his page—there is nothing I can do to help him but provide moral support.

Same guy thought he saved two versions of his resume but only one is showing up. Well, do you need them both, sir? No, but I don’t know if this is the newer one or not. I show him how to open the document in Microsoft Word to check and—thank goodness—it IS the right version.

Now that the job application’s resume is uploaded he wants to know, “So how do I send it to them?” Getting him to believe that the resume will be automatically sent when he submits his online application takes some work.

Teenager: “We left one of our personal books here [describes its irrelevant features in great detail].”

I can’t find it or any record of it in the back so I go out to clarify. Then he says it was his mom who talked to us, and all she told him was that it was at the “Plano” library. He just assumed that meant this branch, I guess because that’s where they “usually go.”

Doing stuff in Spanish—how to get a card, log in to the computer, I don’t know the word for “screen,” which is a problem. But I handle the whole transaction in Spanish competently and then notice that my boss (a Spanish-speaker) is standing right behind me and looks impressed. Yes!

We can’t get into this website (because we are typing the address into the search box of the library catalog).

A kid asks for “scary stories,” my least favorite reader’s advisory.

Can I check this movie out from this display? What about this book?

Now the second hardest RA: “funny books.”

A small kid is just tearing by and when I tell him to please walk in the library he stops in confusion. “Dinosaurs!” he says, “I’m looking for dinosaurs!” So I get him a big dinosaur encyclopedia and everyone is happy.

Do you want me to show you how to print more than one thing at a time? This guy is one of my favorite patrons because he is thrilled by everything about the library. I met him a little while ago when he wanted a list of the zip codes contained in nearby cities. I actually showed him how to release multiple print jobs last week. Once I asked him tonight if he wanted me to show him he remembered what to click and he was so excited, and said “Thank you so much for reminding me!” Then he went over to the Customer Service desk and asked them if they had found his coat which he left in the library. We had and he was extremely grateful.

Do you want me to show you how to print more than one thing at a time? (Different patron.)

Go over to kick out a guy who waits to start shutting his computer down and packing up until after the “library is closed” announcements, despite the deafening twenty-minute and five-minute warnings. Good night, and good luck!

Every Dog's Legal Guide

I've noticed this in an unsystematic way for awhile, but I was collecting some abandoned books in the relevant section today and I noticed exactly how many there were.

There is a great company called Nolo that publishes legal guides for the average person. I don't mind talking about a particular business here because my experience with Nolo guides suggests that they are 100% great and I fully endorse them.

That's not the point of this post, though. The point is the covers of the Nolo series. As you can imagine, there's not a lot of great eye-catching illustration options for Forming a Partnership: A complete legal guide.  At least not if you stick to relevant images. So instead they went with this:


and this:


And even this:


What I want to know is, whos is this dog? Is he Nolo or what? And why isn't he the same as this dog?

More incidents from Adult Reference

A woman with a very quiet voice called the reference desk. She wanted biographical information on “Rin Tin Tin, that German Shepherd dog,” specifically his birthplace, birth year or date, death year, and place of death. I told her it would take me a little while to find that information and she said oh no, that wouldn’t work because she wasn’t at home. I asked if I could email her the answer but she does not have email. She says she will call back tomorrow morning. Yikes.

A 50-60ish man in shorts, a t-shirt, and black tennis shoes (no visible socks) approaches the desk purposefully.

Man: Are you old enough to work here!?

Me: Just barely.

Him: Well, keep it up!

and from the Children’s Desk (always too much excitement):

A small girl is walking around looking confused.

YS Library assistant: Are you looking for your shoes?

Girl: Yes!

Yesterday I found a biscuit on top of the children’s DVD section.