New Year patrons

A patron has a resume saved to a flash drive and needs to upload it to an online job application, but first she asks, "If I want to, you know, twerk it first, how would I do that?"

While helping a patron sign up for a library card: "Are you the manager? I read about you on the reviews! They say you're nice!"

At closing, there's a guy who won't leave the men's bathroom. After a bit of back-and-forth:
Me: Sir, I'm sorry, but we really have to close. My watch says it's 6:05--if you are still in there at 6:07, I am going to call the police and have them escort you out.
[at 6:06, the door opens and he peers out, shirtless] 
Patron: I've got to--
Coworker, looking away: Just go through here and out the door, we won't judge you!
 

In disguise

I wish I were better at telling how old kids are, because I think it would have helped me a lot this morning.

Two little girls came in with their mom. I would have guessed they were 5 years old. They had the following interaction with one of my coworkers:

Little girls: What's your name?
Coworker: My name is Alma. What are your names?
Girls: Elmo!?
Coworker: Um, no...
Girls: Wow! Why are you in a costume!?

Then they hugged her, then they ran away. I can't tell if they were trolling or if they really thought she was somehow associated with Elmo.

My new boss

Photo credit: Kumar Appaiah: https://www.flickr.com/photos/akumar/3180900835

I had a meeting with the new boss of Downtown Library today, my previous boss having recently retired. My new boss was previously at West Side Branch so I already know her and am one of her fans. You will see why. I met with her because I am going to an outreach event next week and we were talking strategy.


New Boss on not using flyers as a substitute for personal connection: "Paper is a substitute for conversation and action, it doesn't do anything...except maybe if it's a warrant."


On having something interesting at your booth to get people's attention: "People aren't just going to come over because you're pretty. Well, maybe some are, but those aren't the ones we want."


She began her tenure at Downtown Library by trashing our typewriter, which Past Boss wouldn't get rid of because a couple of times a year people came in wanting to use it to fill out forms. She sent an email out to all staff announcing its "retirement" with the subject heading "Sad news."

Sunday shift

It's 55 degrees outside today in February and I am stuck inside on the Sunday shift. I'm struggling to be my normal sunny self with patrons.


Everyone is dressed up fancy since they've come from church, so that's nice at least.


Can you show us how to use the copier?


Do you have a Spanish-English dictionary? Thank you! What about CDs?


A man comes every day to read the day's newspaper, which we have to keep at the desk and hand out only if you give us something to hold for ransom because otherwise people steal it. Every day, when he returns the newspaper he jokingly says "Catch!" and pretends he is going to throw it to me instead of handing it back. Every day it is just as funny to him as it was the day before.


I don't have my library card. Can you look up my number?


A woman sets down a book and her library card silently on the desk and looks at me expectantly. Sorry, I can't check anything out at this desk. Not unless you want to set off our gate alarm, anyway, since I don't have a desensitizing pad.


A girl asks for several Blues Clues movies, and also Paranormal Activity 2. One of these things is not like the other...


A woman can't get on the computer because she's trying to use a friend's card number and the friend has too many fines. She can't use her own card because it also has too many fines. Of course this is our fault.


The woman whose statistics tutor I accidentally became wants to know: Can you help me figure out what a null hypothesis is?
Let's look in the index of your textbook, ma'am.


There's nowhere to plug your phone up at?


Do you have color paper that you can purchase? (People really think we are an office supply store. If you set up in the little shop for rent right next to us in the strip mall, you could make a killing.)


Do you have a scanner?


A man visiting from some southern state still hasn't figured out, after visiting three days in a row, which are the guest computers and which ones require a library card to use.


Show someone how to add page numbers to a Word document.


Polite kid: Excuse me, I was wondering where your comic books are.


Can I leave these bags here while I go to the restroom? (No.) Also, where is the restroom?


Mr. Timmons brings me candy *every day* now. I think I might have to tell him I'm on a diet. That's a total lie, but I know he doesn't have a lot of money and also most of the candy is pretty weird.


Do you have a pen? Never mind, I need a marker.


Can you help me? I accidentally clicked something and the menu went away on Microsoft Word.


Do you have Orange is the New Black, season 1?


Show two different people how to use what IT (presumably ironically) calls our "self service" print release station.


The 'closing in 15 minutes' announcement plays over the PA system. Thank goodness!

Gifts

In our regular segment of Things the MLS Did Not Prepare Us For, a coworker came to me with the following question. She is the Teen Librarian at Small Town Library and she devotedly manages and supports a cadre of teen volunteers/fans.


I wrote some scholarship recommendation letters for one of the teen volunteers and she gave me a handwritten thank you note with a $40 gift card enclosed. I haven't touched the gift card. I can't even really look at it. I know she spent her own money on it and she doesn't have forty dollars. I feel like writing those recommendations was a way to say thank you to her for all her volunteer work, and also sort of part of  my job. What can I do with this card? Can I give it back? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't feel like it's right to use it either.


Any thoughts, readers?

Some good stuff

I feel like the blog has been full of bad craziness lately, so let me tell you about a few good patron interactions I've had in the last couple of weeks:


A coworker who volunteers for Libraries for Life asked me to request some books on organ donation for her. I found some really nice fiction books about the relationships between the families of donors and the recipient of the donor's organ(s).


Due to a phone reference question, I learned that a caterpillar can stay in a cocoon up to two years! The poor woman who was calling had to ask me to repeat the quote from the site I found a few times--I fear she was copying it down word for word to use in a homework assignment. Aren't you glad you're not dependent on calling your public library in that kind of situation?


One of the Downtown Regulars recommended a new TV series to me based on my having recommended a book by Peter F. Hamilton to him a few months ago. It looks promising!


I showed someone who had never used Google how to Google things. This will never, ever get old to me.


Some people from a local church came and gave all the staff on desk bags with treats in them to thank us for the work we do for the city!


This is the best job ever!



(Picture from the Everett, CO Public Library)

Oh good, you're here!

"Oh good, you're here!" is something two patrons said to me today without a trace of irony. I feel bad because I cringed inwardly both times, even though I was also a little excited.


I've written before on this blog about having fans (See My First Fan, Old Man Fan Club, and especially Will You Be My Friend?), but I don't think I've previously focused on two things about librarian fans. The first is that fandom is random. In most cases, the thing that you do to win someone as a fan is something that any of your coworkers could have done, probably easily. I might be a little more patient than some of the people I work with, but generally they have all the skills that I have. So winning a fan is often a matter of chance-you just happen to be the person that is sitting at the desk when that person comes in.


Fans are generally also some of the most high-maintenance library visitors. High-maintenance patrons generally fall into two categories: patrons who are high-maintenance because they hate the library and/or library staff, and patrons who are high-maintenance because they love the library and/or library staff. People who want to chat with you about how great the library is, or just to chat with you, or to thank you repeatedly for every little thing you do to help them, can take up a lot of time. Fans also don't tend to be super socially aware, so they often interrupt you when you are helping someone else or at least fail to notice that someone else is waiting for assistance. Sometimes when they really do need help, they need a lot of it, too. My two fans who came in today, for instance, were Janis and the CHAMPS lady.


I've named Janis after Janis Joplin, because she comes in with the sole purpose of looking at pictures of Janis Joplin, either in books or on Google Images. I'm the one who taught her to use Google image search, which is why she's a fan. She is so, so nice, but she needs to check in with me repeatedly throughout her library visit. "I'm going to a computer now, okay, Emma?", "I'm going to the bathroom now but then I'll come back, okay?" "I'm leaving now, Emma," "Okay, bye, Emma." It generally takes her a few tries to get her library card number typed in to log on to a computer, and she's quite intimidated by the process.


The CHAMPS lady, like Janis, is really nice. Only, she needs to fill out a complex online form and she is almost completely illiterate. She works as a home care aide.Today her grumpy husband was with her for part of the time and I asked him if he could read, and he said "A little. But I don't have my glasses." So they need a lot of help. It's not a huge surprise that she can't log on to a computer, go to a particular website, and then navigate that site, considering that she doesn't have any instructions to guide her. I asked her if she had told CHAMPS that she couldn't read. She said she had, and when I asked what they told her to do for help, she said "They told me to come to the library." Aargh.


So, those are my fans. I got an odd little insight today into what it might feel like to actually be famous. You want people to like you, but maybe you don't really want to see those people?

My first fan

...is a man who is trying to advertise his photography business on Craigslist. Most of his questions are text-to-speech issues. Fortunately he, unlike many aspiring small business owners at libraries, is not a big fan of  questions like "What do you think I should call this?" "Do you think it looks good?"  and, the worst, "Would you buy that?" Also, he has gmail and I've seen him log into it once unassisted, so he's at the high-functioning end of the technology spectrum, too.


Today he wanted to add a location to his post but he had forgotten how to edit it. Then he wanted to change the title to something more exciting. Then he saw that other photographers have included example pictures in their posts...it could be long afternoon for all of us.


Anyway, if you need a freelance photographer in the central Michigan area, you can find at least one on Craigslist.