But it's candy

Woman pointing at our brochure/event calendar: Are these free?
Me: Yes, they are! You probably want to take one of the yellow ones too--that green one is our spring programs and they are almost over.
Woman: I really just need a hard surface. I was just going to slip these [papers] inside here. Do you have a manilla foolder?
Me: No, sorry, I will just look the other way.
The woman took a summer program (instead of one of the basically obsolete spring ones) and then later I saw her walking by with it squashed in her hand!

A man came and wanted to use the scanner, but someone else was using the computer it is attached to.
Man: Hi, I was here earlier and I wanted to scan something.
Me: Our scanner is attached to that computer just behind me, but it looks like someone is using it at the moment.
Man: ...
Me: I don't know if he is scanning or not. You are welcome to ask him if he will switch computers if he isn't scanning. Most people don't mind.
Man: Can you ask him for me?

The following interaction took place entirely in Spanish (mine, of course, broken and full of grammatical errors).
Woman: Do you have an English/Chinese/Russian dictionary?
Me: I'm afraid we don't have one that will have all three, but I can get you an English/Chinese and an English/Russian dictionary.
Woman: Okay.
I show her where those are but she rejects them.
Woman: The one I saw before was in Spanish, and all one.
Me: Well, we can check the Spanish collection just in case, but I don't think there will be one there. I'm sorry.
Of course there wasn't, and if a Spanish-based Spanish/English/Chinese/Russian dictionary exists, we definitely don't own it.
(
Omitted for clarity:
Señora: Necessito un diccionario de los idiomas rosa, ingles, y chino.
Me (to self): You need a dictionary for PINK, English, and Chinese?
Me: Lo siento, no se que significa 'rosa.'
Señora: RUSSO.
Me: Oh, sorry.
)

Man with a super-American accent, pointing at the "Guia para localizar materiales en la biblioteca" (Spanish-language Dewey Decimal guide): Are these free?
Yeah, but why do you want one?

Job skills grant. The husband wants to be a pharmacy tech but he can't even turn in his forms for us to stamp on his own or get directions to the place he has to take them next--the wife does the whole thing. The money we were awarded is going to SUCH good use. Also, her son sees people on the computers and whispers something to his mom, who says "You can't play on the computers. All of those people are working." Lies!

I try to print the pharmacy tech family a map to the college but Google Maps freezes first on my computer, than on my colleague's, which I use without her permission while she is up helping someone else. She takes it well.

Nice man who turns out to be a victim of credit card theft: Can you possibly help me? I am a real dummy on the computer. I need to print some forms. It's only a couple but they are really important.

Woman: I am trying to take a driver's ed course but the computer won't let me log on because I already used eight hours of time today.
I give her a guest pass.

Phone call: Do you have books for the HESI i.e. nursing entrance exam? Second time I have been asked for those today so fortunately I know what she is talking about. Our library, like most, is named after an old lady and its full name is the Gladys A. LastName Library. When I tell her what book we have she says "And I can get that at the Gladys?"

Family thinks that something is wrong because this online course they are trying to take took ten minutes to load. No, everything is fine, you are just on Library Bandwidth now.

While I am checking out their issue I see that the man on the computer next to them has an open zip-loc bag of hard candies at his computer. He also has a packet of crackers and some bread.
Me: "I'm sorry, sir, but I have to ask you to put your food away. You can't have it at the computers."
Man: "It's candy."
Me: "I know, but you are really not supposed to have it in the library at all."
Man: "But it's CANDY."
Me: "I know, sir, please put it away."
So he puts it his bag, which is a plastic shopping bag filled with other food, including a can of soup!

Every 10 seconds, to like 10 different kids: "Walk in the library, please!"

Girl: "I just printed two pages."
(This is how about 50% of people tell us they need to know how to pick up their print jobs.)

Woman: "Is it gonna give me more time on the computer?"