Ref desk thoughts

More things I start wondering about when a desk shift is too quiet:

I'm always refilling the paper trays of the copier and printer before they are totally empty. I wonder how long the very bottom sheets have been in there. Months? Years? Does paper go bad?

Is there any personal information that patrons wouldn't freely give me if it meant I would fill out their online forms for them?

Have any of our patrons ever died from following the nutty medical advice in our alternative medicine and self-help sections instead of going to the doctor?

There are patrons who call the library and insist that "I was just talking to you" when I haven't even taken a phone call during my shift. Do they think I'm confused or that I'm actually deliberately lying to them about who I am?

How many rows must a librarian walk down before he finds an empty chip bag or an empty bottle of alcohol in the stacks? Statistically speaking, I mean. I'd like to know the average.