Seen better days (a refgrunt)

Can I help you? I looked up the book Hero by Mike Lupica and it said it was here with the Bluebonnets (*Bluebonnets are a Texas book award). It just came back. Let me get it from the back for you.

Phone request for Peter Pan, ending with “I don’t have a library card yet. Is there a fee for one?” No ma’am, it’s free!

I know that the author of The Doorbell Rang is Pete Hutchins, but what section would it be in? (It’s a picture book.) His daughter knocks down something on the desk and says “Uh oh.” Adorable. Later, I observe the same dad and daughter in the puppet area. The dad is having the dragon sing the daughter a song. She listens happily for a little while but then starts to insist “Emmy have now, Emmy have now.”

Books about Batman. But only the BEST.

Books for a seventh grader, side-by-side bilingual English/Spanish. I had to get help on this one.

I didn’t see that these were due, so am I going to have to pay? Well, yes, but only six dollars. So I will have to pay? Um, you can talk to customer service I guess. I don’t have power over these things.

Where can I find a level one reading book? (He wants what we call “early readers” at our branch.)

Can I have the magnetic letters to play with?

DVDs with Eric Carle stories on them. Also DVDs that teach babies Spanish.

Bad Kitty books.

Excuse me, is this the only section that has computers? Heck no, sir!

Books in Spanish for a Kindergartener.

How many items can I check out at a time?

Can you give me an extension?

Sorry, what?

I need an extension.

An extension for what?

I need more time on the computer.

Oh, sure, I can do that.

I’m trying to do this application and it’s not letting me in. Every time I put in my password it rejects me. That’s because you didn’t read the instructions about your password having to include a number, sir. Or the error message you got repeatedly, which also contains that information.

No, the tax forms still aren’t here. But since you also said you don’t know which forms you need, here is information about tax help at the library, starting next week! It wasn’t a total loss to come here, see? This conversation is with an old man and begins:

Hello, sir, how can I help you?

Hi, how are you?

Just fine, thanks. How are you?

I’m all right. Seen better days…well, I’m sure I’ve seen worse days, too.

That’s a great way to think about it, sir!

A family came in a little while ago with helium birthday balloons. Inevitably, someone lets go of one, but our ceiling is low enough that the dad stands on a stepstool and can reach the end of its string.

More questions about tax forms. People just cannot believe it.

Ma’am, did she give you the information about tax help at the library? I thought you might want it. Also yes, I can help you find E,F, and V of the Sue Grafton alphabet mystery series.

Books on President Garfield and the Gilded Age. Also how many books can you check out when you first get your card?

The lady monopolizing the public phone is wearing only slippers on her feet, no real shoes.

Books on Reconstruction, for the Garfield girl.

A patron stops by the desk just to tell me how neat our new hand dryers are. But then he launches into waaay too much information about his personal life. The job search doesn’t stop just because it’s the weekend, you know…I saw Godsmack live once, they were great…I’m a metalhead, that’s part of why I can’t get a girlfriend and don’t really want one right now…

Put all five Godsmack CDs on hold for the TMI guy.

I can’t get onto my college mathlab website. Are you from Our Local Community College? Yes. I have some bad news….

I need books on child development. I get worried that this means textbooks but she actually wants parenting books.

How many CDs can you have checked out at a time?

Can you tell me where Fifty Shades of Grey would be? Yes, but I can also tell you that we don’t have it in.

Where is [name of library that is not in our system]? I’m sorry, can you tell me more about that? It’s one of yours. Well, here is a map of all the ones we have…

Lost wallet guy: Can I please have my library card number?

What computer is my reservation for?

Can you help me email these powerpoints to my friend?

Can you show me how to see the files on my flash drive? And do you close at 6:00 today?

Is this all the movies you have?

Coworker calls from the back: Where is other coworker?