I don't have enough information

Only five minutes after we open, my friend asks me if I can come down and cover the first floor desk for her for a few minutes so she can make a phone call. No questions. I come back upstairs to Reference and ask my coworker "Did I miss anything?" First he says, "Nope," but then spots Seamus, the Boss of Security, listening earnestly to an agitated patron. "Oh wait, maybe."


It's my turn to answer the email 'reference' questions this morning, but there aren't any.


Phone call: Trying to reach Local History, but I don't have the number.
I transfer him, which is scary because Local History is one digit off from my own extension so if I mess up I am the one who gets the voicemail and has to explain my mistake...


A patron says the printer won't print because it 'says I don't have enough information.' Actually, it won't print because she didn't put enough money in the printer, which is what it is saying. At least the former is true, though.


Caller: I went through a box of my old things lately, and I found something that needs to be returned. But the address I have for them is 15 years old. I don't want to send it to the wrong place. Can you see if you can help me find an newer address for them?
How thoughtful! I actually confirm the old address based on newer information. The ideal outcome.


Can I borrow a scanner and a pen?


Guy with big headphones who I see a lot but am not sure I have ever actually helped with anything more challenging than giving him a computer pass. "Hi! How nice to see you! You are my favorite liberian!"


Do you have 11x17 paper for the copier? (No, sorry.)


Lady who is already really overwhelmed by computers and she hasn't even sat down at one. But she comes in from the elevator side of the room so my coworker gets that one. Not sure if I am envious or relived. Yet, anyway.


How do I log off the computer? (You'd be surprised how often this comes up.)


Can I help you?
I need to scan my card to get on a computer.
You can just sit down at any of the ones that are available and type in your number.
(How can people be so sure about how things work, and so wrong at the same time?)


Scanner returned.


Email Reference: Yes, we DO have old issues of the local newspaper you are looking for!


Will the copy machine take pennies? I need a solid nickel.


A text-to-speech issue about a website that 'won't accept my password.' See where it says 're-enter password'? You have to enter your password again there.


Do you have a piece of paper? (Yes)