Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Warning: Sad and scary

Today someone came to the reference desk and wanted me to contact his partner for him. He had lost his cell phone and just replaced it and did not have the partner's phone number saved to the phone or memorized. I tried looking the person up in the white pages but he was unlisted. The man told me that this person is off his medication and he is really afraid for him, and insisted that I put him in touch with his partner by using the phone number in his partner's library card record--"I know he has a library card, even if you can't give me the number, can't you just call him and put him on the phone?"


I told him that I was very sorry, but I couldn't share any patron information for non-library purposes, no matter how urgent. I asked if I could check the white pages for a friend or family member who might have his husband's number, but he couldn't think of anyone (he was pretty distraught). I then offered that I could help him call his husband's doctor, who might be able to help, but he declined. I then suggested that he call the police or 911 and report that he felt his partner was a danger to himself, but he said his partner would never forgive him so he just couldn't. He asked me a few more times to disclose the man's number or call it and put him on the phone, but I reiterated that it was illegal and I just couldn't. Then he left.


I was not prepared for this. I think I did the right thing in refusing to give him the information, but that doesn't change the fact that the outcome was awful. How would you cope with something like this if it happened at your job?

10 comments:

  1. that is a hard question

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  2. Would calling the number really be "sharing the information"? I might use that as a way to help the man without clearly violating ethical rules or laws.

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    1. It's a fine line. I think under Michigan law it is probably still illegal, but I agree that ethically it would be more acceptable. However, after the man left, the security guard came by to check in with me about him and told me that he has a history of hanging around the library trying to pick up underage boys, so that made me feel a little better about not calling the person he wanted me to call, since it made it seem more likely that that person might not actually want to hear it from him.

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    2. that's relevant additional info for sure and should make you feel WAY better

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  3. You sure gave him a lot of good suggestions

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  4. it must have been hard to keep saying no. could you have a supervisor talk to him?

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    1. I'm not sure he would have accepted it any better from someone else, but it definitely seems to help some patrons a lot to hear the policy confirmed by someone else.

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    2. yeah we get a lot of patrons who don't believe anything unless they hear it from 2 people, sometimes it has to be a male who says it

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  5. You did the right thing. Perhaps this man's situation was exactly as he said, but perhaps it was a domestic abuse situation or something else where not only would you be breaking the law, you might be exposing your patron to harm. You offered the patron several good alternatives. One more you could try in future, if your library's policy allows: we refuse to confirm or deny anything about patrons, but we do offer to take a message and relay it "if we happen to see the person." This allows us to tell teenagers that their mom wants them home for dinner, or to tell John Doe that Jane would like him to call her back, without tying up our phone line or breaking any privacy laws.

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    1. Thank you. It helped me a lot to hear this.

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