Librarian supervisor: Can you check and make sure the people I just let into the program room really have a reservation?
Old man in motorcycle gear wants a biography of Betty White.
Anxious phone call: I can’t get into the online catalog on my home computer! It starts working of its own accord as I am taking her information and she thinks I have somehow fixed it remotely: “Oh, this is so great! I’ve been trying to do this for an hour, thank you so much!” and hangs up.
You can’t check this Pete the Cat out on your card because it is on hold for someone else. Let’s find YOUR Pete the Cat.
Can’t find a hold—it is a science kit that has to be picked up at the branch from whence it came.
Confused, and fairly so, by the “string not found” problem.
Husband can’t find his wife’s hold on the shelf—it’s just been run through and is still in the back.
Phone call: Desperate mom from neighboring city has a daughter who is required to read Mara, Daughter of the Nile, first published in 1953 and last published in 1985. Unsurprisingly, if we ever had a copy it did not survive. I use Worldcat to find out who else supposedly has it and pass her on to them.
Loud kids: Has anyone seen my dadeeeee? Daddy is two ranges away and shushes his kids repeatedly but ineffectively.
Book of Elsewhere.
Questions about the bookmark contest. I’m really hoping someone from our branch will win this year.
Needs help because he is searching for ‘dinosour books’ in the catalog.
Roar of a Snore.
Please don’t climb on that extremely poorly-chosen piece of public art in the children’s area. You will fall and need stitches and your parents will sue us for a million dollars.
Where does this computer print to?
Looking for story collections: Just got a card and is trying to obey the 5-item limit for first use and still get enough for his kids to read for the whole week. Clever idea, I thought!
Unjam the printer, and then reassure it about paper size.
The printer refuses to believe that 8.5x11 paper is loaded into tray 3.
The new computers are causing more trouble than benefit—people are still confused about all the changes. This man is concerned because the logged-off screen doesn’t look the same as it used to.
Do you not have wifi anymore?
No, it’s just down, sorry.
A regular I fear working with (he just might be our laziest patron) needs help photocopying two pages out of a textbook and then wants information on “Mother Jones” by which he means “child labor” (this is of course revealed later. Then he wants to know if we have some nutty small-press book called The Gift of Community and when we don’t and it turns out only five Texas libraries have it according to Worldcat, he wants to know where he can buy it. A, the paper he gave me from which to look up the title was a printout of its Amazon page, and B) when I say that he can buy it on Amazon, he says how can I do that, can I give them a call or something? Then he wants to know how much it will cost—I read that it costs $8.75 new or from one cent up used, and he says, okay, so how much would it cost?
Mr. Copy and Paste hopes I can maybe enlarge some text on a website—I can for reading, but not for printing, which is what he wanted. Oh well. He accepts the answer with good grace as always.
Observe a patron actually put her hands up to defend herself against the belligerent and rude tone of our worst circ staffperson.
I just logged on and the computer just shut down!
There is no tactful way to say that by far the most likely explanation is that you just bumped the power button with your hand. Sorry.
The printer is still waaaay on the fritz. It’s going to be a long afternoon.
Can’t find The Queen of Versailles on the shelf.
Wifi is down, sorry.
“Where is the printing section?”
Can you please turn your headphones down?
Call for Follow the Dream: The Story of Christopher Columbus. Then a call to another branch to make sure they really had it before the lady drove over there.
I heard you had a fax machine?
The fax doesn’t work for her.
A computer shut down while a hiccupping kid was in the middle of using it : (
There is 20 minutes of Saturday left but it’s usually a time of total craziness so I’d better stop here.