Ways in which my job is all about reading directions out loud

Question: "Why isn't the self-check machine working?"
Answer: "Because although it says on the screen to press the button corresponding to the number of items you've placed on the pad, you have either pressed nothing or arbitrarily pressed 'one.' "

Question: "Why isn't this website accepting my password?!"
Answer: "Because you haven't followed the guidelines about minimum length and character variation, which are listed immediately below the box where you type in the password."

Question: "How do I print?"
Answer: "You follow the prompts in a set of automatically-appearing dialogue boxes, each of which tells you what to do next, if you read them."

Question: "Where are the music CDs?"
Answer: "Straight in front of where you are looking, under the big sign that says 'Music CDs.'"

Question: "How do I send this email?"
Answer: "You press the big 'send email' button."


The next time someone asks if this is the Information desk (as the foot-high, all-caps sign hanging over it would indicate) I am going to answer, "No, sorry. This is the text-to-speech desk."