Two hours ALONE on the ref desk

I had to post this because I was so mad at my department for scheduling me out on the desk by myself from 2-4, peak hours. It was super-busy.

My guest pass isn't working.
Do you want to get into a computer?
Yes.
Well, this one is just for the library catalog so you will have to choose a different one.

Moderately creepy guy wants me to check on his interlibrary loan request--of course it is not in our system yet so I have to check our ILL system--it's shipped out but hasn't arrived yet.

Mrs. Smith, really can't use computers including a mouse, no learning curve, needs to print an email.

Guy with a million trivial requests--pencil, paper, where can I take phone call, etc.--later asks can I log him onto the scanner computer--no, he has to log off his other computer and then he can get on the scanner--hugely but passive-aggressively annoyed by this.

Mrs. Smith doesn't know how to print even though I have showed her 3 times before and it tells you exactly what to do, gets upset when I leave.

"Buffy the Slayer" season 1

Lady 15 feet from tax forms: where are tax forms?

Really slow-walking old man--have to take him to three different places in the stacks. Wants info about Arkansas land grants and about a specific Japanese internment camp from WWII, can't convince him to talk to our genealogy dept or to request books from another branch, he only wants what we have here and I can't convince him that we just don't have anything. Also can't use the internet. So frustrating.

Mrs. Smith's thing prints out too small and she wants me to redo it. I finally free myself to help her and she says "Can you do it without me? I am taking a test."

Old Man: "I just got online and I was wondering if the library has a page I could visit."
(One bright spot)

OM also wants newest James Patterson but gets the title wrong--Unlucky 13, not Lucky 13

Little kid is screaming, screaming, screaming.

Crazy woman wants the 'code of ethics for insurance adjustors' which she 'knows exists' becaue her husband got hurt at Michaels and she 'knows they are handling it all wrong!' Also has 10-second attention span.

Print IRS forms off for a woman who turns out to want multiple copies--the IRS added a bunch of new forms this year that are really commonly needed but either they didn't let us order them or our tax person didn't predict what would happen.

The Voice calls with an achievable request for once--addresses to send fan mail to two different actresses--Tatum O'Neal and Jennifer O'Neill (last names a coincidence? no idea).

As soon as I answer The Voice's call a woman with a simple copier question comes up but I am tethered to our old-fashioned corded phone.

Mrs. Smith whose approach I fear--thank goodness she just wants more time on the computer but of course she doesn't know which number she is on.

Little boy who I told to walk please STOMPS as loud as he can past the desk.

Arkansas/Internment guy: How do I check this book out? Note all he has is the one book I found--I TOLD him there wasn't going to be anything else!

Phone rings while I am helping a lady get her print jobs, struggling with my very limited Spanish vocabulary. I have no choice but to let it roll over to children's.

Do I have to do something special to use the computer lab?

Toddler is rolling around on the floor making weird noises, mom is three feet away but doesn't react 'til I go over to intervene.

Help annoying little boy with checkout.

Audio books--Slovak language.

What? Just WHAT.