April Fools

Why play jokes when this is a regular day at your job?


A man who has a selfie of just him alone as the desktop background of his computer.


A man who argues with me that a print directory of Michigan nonprofit organizations "must exist" because there are so many of them. Then he answers his phone at the desk "I'm at the liberry. I didn't know if you were going to call me back."


People shouting in Arabic on the stairs.


Patron asks for government information we don't have. Coworker says, "It looks like they have those documents at the County Library down the street." Patron: "What!? This isn't County Library!? Then what is this place!?"

Over the walkie-talkie, we hear Barney the security guard say "I'm going to get a mini-skirt to match Bill's."


While I am using the public restroom, a voice form the next stall over says, "I am so sorry to bother you in this situation, but does the library sell tampons!? Anywhere!?" (I end up getting her one out of my purse.)


Are there stairs I can take up to the next floor, or do I have to take the elevator only?


Spot patron who cried when the printer's coin box spit our her ten dollar bills as quarters. She still makes me nervous.


You know those computer viruses that are popups that tell you your computer is infected and that you need to dial 1-800-555-SCAM for 'tech support' to fix it? One of those messages popped up on a patron's computer and I had to go interrupt her phone call with the scammers and convince her that they couldn't fix the computer and that she should hang up.


Someone has stolen Schedule B out of our book of reproducible tax forms.


Our oddest phone patron, Ms. Opp for short, calls, but she just wants to know--"Science Friday isn't on our local npr on Friday afternoons anymore! What happened to it?"


Excuse me, could you pleas help me find this book? The catalog said it was on the shelf but I couldn't see it.


On my way back from this, I hear a quiet howling. I have to interrupt a man who is listening to something on his phone with his headphones in. When I politely suggested that he might not have his headphones plugged in all the way, he just stared at me, so I said "I heard howling." "Oh, yeah, that's my ringtone." "Well, if you could silence it while you are in the library I would appreciate it."


The closing elevator doors don't automatically stop closing for a last minute passenger, but he forces his way into the elevator anyway as the doors try to squash him. The other man already waiting to descend looks awkwardly on.


Phone call from someone who wants the phone number for a local Mary Kay representative (what?). It's hard to talk to her because she keeps pressing buttons on the phone the whole time we're talking and it beeps and beeps.


"I'll just leave my backpack right here by your desk." No, you won't.


The 30 minutes warning comes on over the loudspeaker, announcing we close at 6 today. From the computer, I can hear someone go "Aww, man! I forgot it was Friday!"


Patron: Did you ever figure out why the library website won't open in Chrome?