Do you work here?

...No, this desk chair is just really comfortable.


..No, I'm just testing out my 'librarian' Halloween costume.


...No, I pried this badge from the cold, dead hands of a real librarian.


...Yes, but if I can't answer the question you're about to ask me, they'll fire me.


..."work" is a strong word.


...No, do you?

First world emergencies

Today I scolded a man who was listening to audio on his computer without headphones. Apparently he is from the local newspaper. Their offices are just across the street and their internet connection went down an hour before a big funeral procession for a local celebrity was due to pass through the area. He wanted me to make an exception because it was "kind of an emergency."

Today's harrasment

Patron: Do you have any lotion?
Me: No, we don't, sorry.
Patron: No, do you have any?
Me: No, I don't, sorry.
Patron: Really? You don't have any in your purse? Someday you'll get more ladylike...I guess you look like sort of an Indiana Jones type.
Me: I'm sorry I don't have any lotion. Can I help you with anything else?
Patron: A great big hug.
Me: Can I help you with anything library-related?


Five seconds later, different patron: Can I borrow a pen, babe?


Ick, ick ick!

Specials

We have caller ID at the library (a mixed blessing) and my coworker noticed that a call that came in this afternoon was showing as a Florida area code. Okay, maybe it's the cell phone of someone who moved here from Florida?


She answered the phone and gave the woman the information she wanted, which was the number of a Papa John's Pizza...in Florida.


Two seconds later, the phone rings again. Again it shows that it's a Florida call. My coworker picks it up. "Hi, do you have any specials?"

A new one

There are a lot of veterans here at the downtown library so there's rarely an incident that really gets people excited--someone has always seen it before.


So it was kind of a milestone for me today when a patron dropped a stick of incense into the heating vent and it took us 20 minutes to locate it and get it out. Even my nearing-retirement colleague and one of our longest-serving security guards said, "That's a new one."