February weirdness

I am originally from a much colder climate than Texas, and my mother used to celebrate getting through February, which always felt miserable in the wintry north. I was thinking that now I live in Texas I should have a similar celebration at the end of August, but if this month continues on the current course, I'm going to have to keep celebrating surviving February:

A volunteer who, despite being repeatedly offered the chance to lock her purse in the staff area, insists on keeping it with her while shelving, came to us distraught and asking us to call the police because, you guessed it, someone stole her purse. Fortunately, its absence was noted almost immediately, apparently before the person who took it had a chance to get away, and our security guard found it abandoned on a bottom shelf in the stacks. Not until police had already been called, though, and they were crabby when they arrived.

Our storytime has moved into our program room from the children's area because it's too big. The children's librarian likes to leave the door open to welcome the many families that come in fashionably late, so I am posted at the door for an hour as 'storytime assistant' and I spend 90% of my time redirecting a crabby toddler who keeps trying to escape into the rest of the library (I'm only free the last 10% of the time because his caregiver snaps and buckles him into his stroller for the last part of the program).

Instead of weeding damaged or outdated books, I swear all the other branches are sending them to us to "float" into our collection.

Our heating system has had some sort of catastrophic failure. While we wait for the replacement part to arrive, the library is heated by a series of loud, obnoxious fans that facilities services seems to have placed in order to maximize the number of patrons that their cables and noise will disrupt. Also, when I ask the facilities services techs if we can leave the system running at night, they say "Well, it will be cold in the morning. But better a library that's cold but still there than one that's burned down." So now it's 60 degrees when we arrive each morning, and the hour we have before patrons arrive is NOT long enough for things to heat up enough to keep them from complaining.

Everyone's kids have the flu, so I work a couple of 9-9 shifts to cover people who are out sick. That means I have half a day of comp time, and I plan to sleep through aaaaall of it.

We are un/fortunate enough to be hosting free tax help for patrons--it's a great service that people can't get many other places, but WOW is it a staff headache. One of the library assistants warns, "I know this is your first year and I don't want to stress you out, but you should probably know that the two volunteers who are in charge of tax help are enemies. They will always tell you contradictory things about what they need."

A patron cries at the desk because we can't accept the document she brought in as proof of city residency to sign her up for a library card. "I just wanted to get a booooooook!"

More on the New Downtown

Not only did we not get gender-neutral restrooms, as I was really, really hoping would happen as a result of our renovation, for some mysterious reason the men's bathroom is now on the left while the women's is on the right, which was the opposite of what it was in December. I flinch at the drama that is sure to ensue.


The circulation department staff, with whom I now share a desk, are much more interested in monitoring the patrons' computers for pornography than I have ever been.


"I was told I could get a home heating tax form up here. Also, I just got on social security; do you know if there is another form I need?"


An adorable girl in the world's tiniest pea coat runs behind the reference desk while her dad and I are trying to figure out the name of a movie.


Man whose headphones are blaring "Don't Stop Believin' " would like to know where he is on the hold list for the movies Fences and Jackie.


Patrons are no more happy with how we divide our DVD collection now than they were pre-renovation. No, sorry, we don't have an "old movies section." No, sorry, we don't have a religious section.


In the new setup, the last row of computers is a little closer to the print release station than it used to be. This morning a man coughed while releasing his print job and the woman seated at the nearby computer snapped "Get away from me with your cough!" Of course no one could just let it go right away, so on his way out the cougher said "That's not very polite" in acid tones as he was passing, to which the computer user responded "I'm sick of people coming near me with their colds!"


New patron wants to know: If I print up there, does it just come out back here?


I have to shush two guys chatting in the newspaper area. On his way out, one of them shushes me in revenge. Being shushed by a patron is probably on my top ten list of work annoyances.


Janis has made it back in. She's still a little confused about which elevator buttons to push, but seems to be adjusting fine to the new layout.


A foot fetishist needs help with a website. The people in the pictures are clothed so I just try not to think about it and don't treat it as a porn issue.


"Do our library cards still work the same to get on the computers?"


Two different people need to be shown how to allow popups in Google Chrome, a process that requires six clicks, which I feel is three too many. Poorly designed websites are probably number one on the aforementioned top ten list.


"Excuse me, are you computer savvy? I want to print the pictures from an email, but when I click print it just wants to print the email. Can you help me?"

West Side Loves to Copy

I told you I talk to the Greek gods, right?


I need to make a copy, but I've never used a copier before.


Can you show me how to make a copy?


Do you have, like, a guest...[stares at me for a few seconds without speaking]...you know, like the other library had computers that you can use without a card?


These are two loaves of raisin bread from the bakery down the street. They are a gift for the staff if you want them.


I need to print this email. How do I do that?


How do I make a copy?


Do you have tax forms yet?


Where are your exercise movies?


Call from a friend who was also sent to another branch! We have a patron over here who wants to come pick up Rob Roy by Scott. Can you make sure it's really there?


Where are the audiobooks?


My print job isn't showing up.


I need you to do your computer catalog thing. Do you have the movie Postcards From the Edge?


The copier says not to use the top feeder. Does that mean that I have to do all of these on the glass?


The unemployment office won't accept these text messages as documentation. They say I have to have proof on paper. Can you help me print them?


[One of our mobile device printing options is down. I put in a helpdesk ticket.]


I need Michigan tax forms.


Can you help me get to the hospital jobs website?


Phone call: They said you can help me find a math tutor for college mathematics. Can I come in on Saturday?


I need a friend...I need to copy this and put it into this document. Can you help me?


Can you help me with the printer?


How do I print just one page of this?


Do you have these two religious commentaries for my college class?


This computer locked me out.


How do I save something to my flash drive?


Is The Lost House back in yet?


Do you make copies here?


Do you fax here?


[Stand at the printer/fax/copier area for 15 minutes, just managing traffic.]


How do I make this full size?


Can I check my books out here?


I don't need help, I'm just waiting for the copier.


Smiled at by a lady who A) looks like a blonde version of the adorable Felicia Day and B) doesn't ask me for any information about copying or printing! If I weren't already married I would probably have asked her to marry me.


Any chance you could help me make a copy of this poster?


Do you have the TV show Degrassi? No, the old one.


[Show someone the self-check, which I love.]


One of the pages: This little girl is looking for her mom.
Little girl: There she is!
Mom: I'm so sorry!


Can you teach us how to check these movies out on the machines?

Overheard by the staff elevator...

... One security guard saying to another, "I think the incident report is just called 'Stinky'."


It's been quite the week at the library so far. Most, but not all, of the limited selection of tax forms the IRS has deigned to send us this year have come in, so every staff member has to have the conversation below roughly three times a day:
"Do you have tax forms?"
"Do you know which ones you need?"
"You know, the regular ones."
"Well, we have the federal 1040 forms, the state forms, and the city forms. We will also be getting a book of federal forms that you can photocopy."
"Okay, so are those the ones I need?"
"I'm sorry, sir, but I can't tell you which forms you need. I am not a tax professional."


It's amazing how much people want you to tell them what to do. Today a man yelled at one of my nicest coworkers (who was already having a bad day) because she told him she couldn't tell him which brand of tires to buy.


Another patron stands way inside my personal space, asking me to look up pictures of famous religious buildings. When I tell him that I don't have time to look up the whole list but that I'd be happy to help him get logged on to a computer and teach him to do it himself, he said "Oh no, I don't do computers."


Where are your tax forms?


Three different people come up to tell me that they want to get on a computer. You can actually just get on one, you don't have to tell me anything.


Sir, can you please move your giant backpack away from the magazine rack? I think people might like to be able to see the magazines.


"If I want to print this file, do I just click 'open'? I need to copy some pages from the computer."


Three people all want change for the printer at the same time.


My coworker who had to deal with the rude tire guy sighs and says "My brain is officially mush." Both of us worked the closing shift yesterday and maybe didn't get as much sleep as would be ideal. It's hard to always provide service that is both friendly and effective. Sometimes I only have enough energy for one.

A good ref shift

When I came to take over the desk this afternoon, I asked a coworker how it had been out here. He said, "Quiet. Well, either it's been quiet or they are saving up all of their questions for you." Turns out it was the latter.


Excuse me, is there any way this printer can print in color?


Can you help me fix up this thing I made in Publisher and then put into Microsoft Word for no discernible reason?


Books on suicide? My mother killed herself and I just haven't gotten over it at all.


Tax forms?


Can I have a pass to get on the computer?


Address and phone number of local probate court?


Olympic medals (previously mentioned).

Tsunami (previously mentioned).

I borrowed this book on CD but really I want to listen to it on my phone. They referred me to you. Something about downloading it? (I introduced him to Overdrive; he was very happy.)

Coworker: You're not supposed to have your laptop cord blocking the aisle right? I'll call security.

Tax forms?

Do you have the black national anthem? You know, Lift Every Voice and Sing? What key is it in?
When I ask what key he is looking for (the one I found isn't the right one) a patron standing by the desk helpfully volunteers his own preference, so loud that I don't hear the answer of the guy on the phone.

I have a library card from [different city]. Can I use that there?

Coworker: I am trying to 'laminate' this [reproducible tax forms binder label] with book tape. God I hate tax season.

Coworker to new security guard, who doesn't have a proper name badge, just a huge clip on name tag: Seriously!?
SG: I know. They got me a second uniform already, which I will probably never need, but no name tag.

Can you show me where to find a book about beginning algebra?

Where is the bathroom?



Can you tell me the number for Direct TV? Oh, also, while you are on there, they have a credit union over in Ann Arbor...is it the same as the one here? What is its phone number? Thank you so much! Have a blessed weekend!


"Jujitsu" security guard: The men's bathroom is gonna be closed for awhile. It's like a kiddie pool in there.


Do you have any books about sociology?
Really she is looking for a particular book, but she doesn't know anything about it at all, so, surprise, surprise, I can't figure out what it is and she gets mad.


A man stops by to say: "That was amazing! Did you know you can find any song in the world on Youtube?!"


On of my least favorite patrons, who is always doing school assignments but never brings the actual assignment with him and has so so SO much trouble articulating what he wants: "I need a book that will tell me how to make a personal profile. You know, it tells who you are, your career, what is good, you tell it to your company." He goes on and on and on, eventually gives up and takes a resume book that includes info about how to write an objectives statement, no one is happy.


Hi, I'm trying to call Comcast? Infinity?


Can you tell me [the time of] the sunset and sunrise today?


I need the book for the GED...oh, I didn't realize you would have more than one.

Tax day 12-2

This post is full of typos but it was so busy I didn't have time to pay much attention to typing!

Do you need help to print? No never mind we figured it out.

Older man: "I'm returning this book. It's overdue. We were out of town, and my daughther called the library..."
I don't want you to waste your time here, you'll have to take it up with Customer Service eventually so you may as well not tell me the story.

What is my PIN? How do I get onto a computer? Can I print from any? I have a picture but I want to make it bigger, how would I do that?

Audrey Hepburn stops by to say hello and ask if I am "ready for Easter" (she is very religious). She asks this about every Christian holiday and as a non-Christian I never know how to answer this.

I know it's last minute but is there any chance you can help me find tax forms for Kansas? I lived there part of the year and here part of the year. This turns out to be a long thing and I am so afraid of giving tax advice and the patron (or me) getting burned! She's really nice though. At the end she asks, "There isn't going to be anyone helping this late, is there?" I give her the phone number of anotehr branch where the AARP volunteers are today but I don't know if they do state returns especially because Texas has no income tax.

I'll be with you in just a moment, thanks for waiting--but they walk off. A coworker checks on them later at least.

My mom wants a book, can you help her find it? It's the new John Wayne bio, we put her on the waiting list. I also check the son's card to see if he has any more CDs on their way. She and her son are always really nice.

Get the Kansas tax lady on a computer so she can do her own research. She's excited.

Phone call: Do you have the form you need to get a tax extension?
I can't, officially, tell you that this is "the form you need," but it sure sounds like it.

Kansas Tax Lady has a meeting with one of our...staff members? volunteers? I don't even know because our branch manager is so horrible that she never bothered to introduce this person even though she is apparently here like 10 hours a week. I know she does something with grants but I don't know what and I have never, to the best of my knowledge, seen her.

Do you have the form for an amended tax return?

Coworker: "I don't know how into cooking or not into cooking you are, but I thought you might want to see this book about vegetarian slow cooker recipes." I'm not into cooking but it's nice that she remembers I'm a vegetarian so I feign interest. She also says "Tax season isn't as bad as it used to be. We used to put a box of the extension forms outside overnight on April 15 and they would all be gone by the next morning."

Mom and toddler son at the copier, someone is saying "stop, stop" over and over again in a high, whiny voice. I assume it's the son, but looking over I see it's the mom.

Form 2210, 2 copies, and 1040-V, 2 copies. The latter I don't know why we don't have because it's the thing you have to send with your check, so the IRS really ought to let us order it. I read off the title of the former to make sure it is the right thing, but when I ask "Does that sound right?" she says "I don't know, but it's what I have written down, so just print it anyway."

Meet the mysterious grant lady for the first time. She is looking for Kansas Tax Lady so I infer who she must be, but she doesn't introduce herself. Maybe she has to remain as anonymous as possible to avoid inadvertently revealing her secret superhero identity.

All the patrons have their phones turned up so loud today! One makes the same noise mine does when I get a text message and I briefly fear that somehow I accidentally brought my phone out to the desk with me, even though I am wearing a skirt and don't have any pockets.

A little science fair bean plant is on top of the ready reference collection. I ask my coworker about it and she says she found it forgotten at the print release station last night and is hoping someone will come looking for it today.

Phone: Power Play by Danielle Steele. Add her to the waiting list but it's not too bad--10 people, 5 copies.

"I had a library card but I think I lost it."
"If you go over to Customer Service they can get you a new one."
"Is it a dollar?"
"Yep."

An email comes out that they are changing the city's website, which contains the library site, at 4 p.m. this afternoon. I work until 9 p.m. so it is probably going to be a long evening.

Our copier doesn't take pennies, can she give me five of them for a nickel? The exchange goes smoothly but I am moderately stressed out just out of habit because this lady goes from civil to shouting at you at the drop of the hat and it's very hard to see it coming. She makes me very nervous.

Yes, ma'am!

An older man asked if he could borrow a 'writing implement' and then when I said "Yes, just bring it back when you are finished" he saluted smartly.

People who aren't familiar with the internet really don't appreciate the importance of entering a URL exactly as written. So frustrating.

Our nuttiest regular (paranoid schizophrenic?) helpfully handed me a puppet that had escaped from the children's area.

A lady can't find 1040 Schedule D because its label is obscured by a messy pile of...schedule Ds. She laughs nervously and says "Oh goodness! Sorry, it has been a long day."

Dysgraphia Guy needs help copying and pasting--did computer designers anticipate what a difficult task this would be?

Coworker to five-year-old: Walk please!...Walk..Walk!...WALK!

Guy comes to reclaim a lost wallet and his $200 is still in it--sooooo excited!

The Retired Police Officer comes to tell me: "I know there isn't really much you can do, but for what it's worth, I just heard that lady ask for the social security number of the person she was talking to [on the phone] and then read it back to her. The whole thing. I checked to see if anyone was writing it down."

Help us type in this captcha? (Captcha identification is an important librarian skill)

It's hard to convince people that each sheet of 1099-MISC tax forms has two forms on it. It's especially hard to convince the guy with 90% gold teeth.

Tax information in Spanish

I was going to write a follow-up post to last year's discovery that most tax forms, including the 1040s, are not available in Spanish, but that wasn't producing anything except frustration and anger, so instead I present to you a list of resources that CAN help a Spanish-speaker do his or her taxes. Please feel free to share this with anyone who might find it useful, and to add comments if I am missing any good resources:

-The major 1040 forms are NOT available in Spanish. 1040-PR, which is in Spanish, applies to Puerto Rico only.

-The IRS maintains a separate Spanish-language version of its website, http://www.irs.gov/Spanish (or irs.gov/espanol)

-The toll-free IRS cusstomer service phone line offers service from Spanish-speaking IRS representatives. It is 800-829-1040, then press 8 for Spanish.

-A longer list of Spanish-language resources is available at http://www.irs.gov/uac/Newsroom/Tax-Help-en-Espanol.

-The list of IRS forms in Spanish with Spanish-language descriptions can be found at http://www.irs.gov/Spanish/Formularios-para-Contribuyentes and the list of publications in Spanish at http://www.irs.gov/Spanish/Publicaciones. The (SP) or (ENG/SP) designation indicates the language of the document.

-Despite the fact that the IRS hasn't found time to translate Form 1040, it has found the time to create an English/Spanish glossary of tax terms, which it calls "Publication 850." This document can  be found at http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p850.pdf

 

-Pub 17, the overview of American taxation (English title: "Your Federal Taxes") is available in Spanish: http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/p17sp.pdf