It's ALL the same internet, actually

I was working at the reference desk at our biggest location, which has two stories, earlier this week. A patron came to the desk and asked where the scanner and the printers were. I told him downstairs on the first floor. Then he asked if we had a map showing all of the libraries in our system. I told him that we did, unfortunately not up on this floor, but that he could grab one at the checkout desk downstairs. There was a long pause and then he said “what I really want to know is, do all of the libraries have the same Internet? I mean, can I go to another library and use the same Internet that I do here?”

 I reassured the patron that yes, all four libraries had the same Internet.

Did she mean One Two Three Four or what?

 Me: Would you like me to reset your PIN for you?
Patron: Yes, please.

Me: Of course. What would you like it to be?

Patron: Four numbers, right?

Me: That's right.

Patron: Are they case-sensitive?

Me: ...um, no ma'am.

Why the library's electric bills are so high

1. Back corners of the stacks must be brightly-lit for safety

2. As long as the elevator exists, no one uses the stairs

3. Scanners. SO many scanners.

4. No matter how many times I ask them to, staff never turn off the front desk computers at night

5. The patron who comes in with his own power strip and charges two phones, a tablet, a laptop, and a mysterious device I have yet to identify.

Characters

 Now that I mainly work at the administrative office, I fill in randomly at all four branches in our library system. The one I've been spending time at lately has more characters than the others. It reminds me a little bit of Downtown Library in Michigan.

A patron cried because a different patron (4 computers away from her) was banging too enthusiastically on her keyboard while she played her online poker game.

There's another mid-30s white woman with shoulder-length light brown hair and rectangular glasses who works at this branch. People are constantly getting annoyed at me because "you helped me yesterday, how do you not know what I want!?" when Stephanie helped them yesterday, not me. I finally benefit from this inability to tell us apart when a clear Problem Patron refuses to ask me for help and chooses my unfortunate coworker to be her victim instead--it becomes clear that Stephanie enforced a library rule with her previously and now the patron refuses to engage with her (or, apparently, with anyone who looks like her).

A patron asked me to look up how far it was to Houston. He was going to walk there and wanted an estimate of how long it would take (about 85 hours).

And today, a patron told me he was "as fine as the hair on a frog" and then laughed to himself for several minutes.

Shoe saws

 A patron comes up to the front desk: Hi, do you have a lost and found?

Me: Yes, we do. What are you missing?

Patron: Some shoe saws.

Me: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. Could you repeat that?

Patron: Some SHOE SAWS.

Me [trying and failing to Google what I think I'm hearing]: ... All right, can you describe them?

Patron [mumble mumble] gray [mumble mumble] Watson logo.

Me: I'll go check for you. While I do that, would you like to write down your name, number, and what you lost? That way if it's not in the lost and found but we find it later, we can call you.

Unsurprisingly, I don't find anything matching the patron's description in the lost and found. When I come back, he's written down his name and phone number, but no description. Darn. When I tell him that unfortunately I couldn't find his items, he wanders forlornly away.

A couple hours later, the phone rings.

Me: Checkout desk, this is Emma, how can I help you?

Librarian at the ref desk: Hey Emma. Do you remember the incident report from last week about the guy who tried to convince the janitorial staff to let him go on the roof?

Me: Yeah...

Librarian: That guy you just checked the lost and found for, that was the guy! Did you get his information?

I wonder if the roof is where is shoe saws are.

I want it, I just don't want to tell you I want it

 Our library doesn't allow you to get on a computer unless you have a library card, and we charge a fee for nonresidents. This isn't so much directed at nonresidents as it is residents who owe the library money--turns out if you block someone's computer access all of a sudden they are a lot more likely to bring back their overdue books. I don't love the policy, but I see the logic.

My pet peeve of patrons complaining about rules is the ones who won't outright ASK you for an exception, but instead are weirdly passive-aggressive about it. I had this conversation with a patron today:

Patron: Hi, I need to get on a computer.

Me: Sure, do you have a library card?

Patron: No.

Me: That's all right. Do you live here in [City]?

Patron: I used to live in [nearby City], but I don't live there anymore.

Me: I'm sorry, but unfortunately we charge a nonresident fee for a library card. I can give you a computer-access only card for $10.00 for a year, or a full-access card for $40.00.

Patron: I've never heard of that before. The library in [nearby City] used to give you a guest pass.

Me: It's really more for our own residents. We found that blocking people's computer access when they have overdue materials helps us get the materials back. Lots of us don't really like the policy, but we would need the approval of our city council to change it.

Patron: I went to [Other Library] yesterday and they didn't charge me to use the computer.

Me: ...

Patron: I have a library card for [random other city].

Me: I'm sorry, you would need one of our cards to get on a computer.

Patron: ...

Me: So if you would like to sign up for a library card, I will just need to see your ID.

Patron: ...Never mind.

If you're not even willing to use the words "Can you please make an exception for me," I'm not willing to make an exception for you. At least meet me that 10% or so of the way. I mean, come on.

Odd man, odd observations

Today a patron carrying four phones on some kind of rig, all of which were playing Pokemon Go, came in to the library and checked out some DVDs. He said to his friend as I was checking his items out, "Twenty years ago this library had a lot more books. Now it's mostly DVDs."

I tried to tell him that the second floor is all books, but he didn't seem to think that that was relevant.

Also, this particular library building didn't exist twenty years ago.

Things patrons brought to the library with them today

•  A full-size bottle of ketchup
• A bottle of A1 steak sauce (seemingly unrelated!)
• Their own space heater

Mrs. Claus

A woman walked up to me on the checkout desk and said," I'm looking for Santa. Did he leave?" I froze for a second and then offered "I'm sorry, I haven't seen anyone matching that description."

As soon as the patron walked away, my coworker and I argued heatedly over whether the woman was 1) Talking about a friend/family member who resembled common depictions of Santa Claus, 2) Attempting to joke with us, or 3) dead serious.

The Most Words Part II

 So, remember the eccentric patron from The Most Words who wanted me to measure the biggest dictionary in our reference section? An article in a local magazine came out with her byline! In it, she reminisces about interviewing semi-famous local figures and adds a bit of color by describing the massive dictionary she used to carry around, including its dimensions.

 I'm sorry, weird patron. I was wrong to mock you.

Reasonable requests

 Things today's patrons want:

"I don't feel safe coming to the sewing program because of COVID, and I don't have a computer. Can I call at the time the class is happening and listen by phone?"

"Do you have a book about transitioning from orthopedics to cardiology?" 

How I can tell my team isn't as overworked as I was afraid they were

Overheard in the staff office: "...that's what you get when you do a Google image search for 'fearsome wallaby.'"

Still confused

 We now have two large A-frame signs outside our front doors that patrons have to basically squeeze past to reach the doors themselves. The signs say "CLOSED. Curbside pickup only, call 1-800-WALNUT-BLUFF." Of course, people being people, they often squeeze past the signs and pull on the door handle, at which point our front door person (whose job is supposedly delivering curbside pickups as cars arrive) has to shout the information to them. Most people get it at that point. However, today I had a couple who were still confused. They asked me "What kind of appointments do you guys do?" and when I answered "You can come pick up books or movies or printouts!" they replied, "Wait, so you can't come inside and look at books?"

When I relayed this conversation to Children's Librarian, she said, "I think people have been spending too much time in their houses watching TV and they don't know how to interact with real people anymore. They're like 'This one is talking back to me when I talk to it! What am I supposed to do!?'"

Granite

 A patron described the color of their car as "granite" when making a curbside pickup appointment this week and it absolutely broke Chillest Coworker, who collapsed into horrified laughter. I don't know why this was the thing that finally got to him, but it was.

Curbside at Walnut Bluff

Colors patrons have told us their cars are:

-Bronze

-Champagne

-"A purplish blue, but it will look black." 

-"I say it is green but my husband says it is gray."

-"It's a really janky white Monte Cristo. You will know it when you see it."

Walnut Bluff residents' favorite activity: Calling us to make a curbside appointment and telling us they will come in Car A. Showing up for their appointment in Car B and being really mad that we don't telepathically know it's them and bring their stuff out.  Walnut Bluff residents' second favorite activity: Waiting in the parking lot without calling/texting to tell us they came in a different car, then shouting their information at us when we go out to bring out someone else's holds.

We have three signs on our front doors saying that our building is closed. Literally every day, I see multiple people come up, pause, read the signs, and THEN pull on the door handle to try to come in.

Reasons people park in the curbside pickup parking spots:

1. It's the shadiest spot in the parking lot

2. They are visiting the apartment complex across the street

3. They are cleaning their car/changing a flat tire/eating their lunch/making a phone call

4. They plan to get out and come inside the library

5. They are here for a curbside pickup

I definitely do NOT hit my head on the bike rack of a patron's car when I am closing their trunk. Nope, not even a little bit.

I find a 'curbside bingo' on the internet. The space that hits home the most is 'you and patron disagree on color of patron's car.'

Every time you think you've seen it all

One of my least favorite parts of my job is checking the public bathrooms. I try really hard to visit and tidy both the men's and women's at least once every day. I've found toilet paper messes, graffiti, drug paraphernalia, and small floods, but until earlier this week, never had I found the top of the soap dispenser pried open and something barely visible submerged in the cheap pearly pink soap.

I got the tweezers out of our first aid kit to try to pry it out, just in case it was something awful, but the tweezers weren't quite big enough to grab it. A male colleague who is more blase than I am about touching things in the public bathrooms ("It's submerged in soap, I'm sure it's fine") stuck his fingers in there and, as soon as they brushed the object, confidently proclaimed: "This is a crummy disposable shaving razor. I know them well from my teenage years."

He was correct, although he and I couldn't agree on whether the razor was dropped into the soap by accident while someone was shaving, or if it was deliberately hidden/stored there for future use.

Lucy

There's a woman who often comes into the library, walks past the front desk while shouting to herself, and walks back out before you can shush her. Lately she's been staying in the library longer and interacting with other people more--I'd noticed her talking to some other patrons (she apparently does have a normal-volume voice!) but I'd never interacted with her. Her name is Lucy, according to one of our other regulars.

One day earlier this week, we were having a problem with our cash drawer and couldn't do any money transactions, in which case we are generally allowed to just give things away. It's a hassle for us to have those capabilities down, but at least patrons are usually happy.

Lucy brought up three magazines from our book sale area, set them down on the desk, and said calmly to me "I'd like to buy these."I started to answer "I'm sorry, but we actually can't take money at the moment, so you can go ahead and just take--" She shouted "Oh HELL no!" and stormed out of the library, shouting to herself the whole time and leaving the magazines behind on the counter.

Some frustrations

A patron wants the contact information for "Adjacent County's Chamber of Commerce" and will not accept the fact, no matter how I rephrase it, that the various cities in Adjacent County have their own chambers of commerce but that there is not a county-wide one. She just keeps saying, "And I do NOT want the black chamber. I already tried to call them and no one answered!" After about 5 minutes, I finally give up and pick the biggest city in the county and give her their phone number.

A nonverbal adult brings me a newspaper and a pile of miscellaneous flyers from our flyer rack. Then he shows me his Autozone discount card. Sorry, sir, do you want to check these out? Do you have a question about one of these flyers? Do you just...want to show me how you're in with Autozone? Sorry, I don't know what I can to do help you.

I am covering storytime this week. We use egg shakers for a few of the songs, and I make the mistake of asking everyone who is ready to sing with me to shake their shaker to show me they are ready. It takes literally minutes for the most excited toddler to stop shaking wildly. My "storytime assistant" rolls her eyes as if to say--"What an amateur! [Children's Librarian] never would have done that!"

 Two staff members get into a heated debate about whether or not to weed our ancient juvenile nonfiction books about each country. It's eventually settled by one of them pulling out a book on Sudan that predates South Sudan's existence as a separate country.

I guess it worked out

Me answering the phone yesterday evening: Walnut Bluff Library, this is Emma, how can I help you?

Patron: Hello…you just called me?

Me: I’m sorry, I’m not the person you spoke to. Do you remember who called?

Patron: I didn’t talk to anyone, I just saw this number had called and I called back.

Me: Okay, did they leave a message?

Patron: No, I just called back. Do I owe y’all money?

Me: I doubt it. My best guess is that something is here and ready for you to come and get it. Let me just look up your account and see.

Patron: [tells me her name]

Me: Um, you don’t owe us any money, and you don’t have anything checked out. I don’t see any requests on your account either. Maybe we have something in our lost and found that belongs to you. Have you been to the library recently?

Patron: No, not in ages.

Me: Well, I’m so sorry about that. I don’t know why we would have called you.

Patron: I guess just to remind me that you are still there.

Me: Again, I’m sorry for disturbing your evening. Thanks for calling us back. As long as I have you on the phone, is there anything we can do for you?

Patron: Actually, can you request “Sybil” with Sally Field?

Me: Yes, ma’am!

Surprised

New patron: I see a sign over there that says 'Movies." Does that mean I can take those home and they will just play in my regular DVD player!? Wow!