Do you work here? (Part 2)

...no, this is what happens to you if you return your books late.

...no, but the librarians are all too afraid of conflict to ask me to come out from behind this desk.

...if my shift ended 15 minutes ago but I haven't been able to escape, is that a yes?

...technically, most of my work is actually accomplished over by the print release station.

...until the director figures out that I'm the author of our latest Google review, yes.

It's ALL the same internet, actually

I was working at the reference desk at our biggest location, which has two stories, earlier this week. A patron came to the desk and asked where the scanner and the printers were. I told him downstairs on the first floor. Then he asked if we had a map showing all of the libraries in our system. I told him that we did, unfortunately not up on this floor, but that he could grab one at the checkout desk downstairs. There was a long pause and then he said “what I really want to know is, do all of the libraries have the same Internet? I mean, can I go to another library and use the same Internet that I do here?”

 I reassured the patron that yes, all four libraries had the same Internet.

4 branches, 3 (not 4) sets of etiquette

The library system where I work has four locations. Here is how changing of the desk shifts "on the hour" works at each one:

Location #1: If you're not arriving to relieve your colleague 5 minutes before the hour, you're late.

Location #2: You arrive on the hour, on the dot, period.

Location #3: You wander in around 5 minutes past the hour. Sometimes the person on desk has to call their replacement to remind them to come out.

Location #4: Half the staff thinks the cultural standard is the same as location #1 and half the staff thinks it's the same as location #3, and they hate each other. You cannot win. If you try the location #2 approach, BOTH groups hate it.

'Technology' Librarian

I know that I am easier to reach than the IT department is, but please be advised that the things below are not my job just because I am the Technology Librarian:

• Resetting your work computer password
• Finding you a spare extension cord
• Helping you with your personal cell phone
• Figuring out why your webcam won't work three years into the era of virtual meetings
• Replacing a clock
• Explaining to a patron why the website they want to go to is blocked just because you don't feel like breaking the bad news yourself

Kid(Librarian)s today

One of our library locations, which I'm going to call Airport Branch due it being in a flight path which drives me crazy every time I work a shift there, is getting a 'digitizing lab.' It has machines for converting VHS tapes to DVDs, for making MP3s from cassette tapes, etc. It's supposed to go along with our local history and genealogy collection. It's a cool idea.

Since I'm the technology librarian for our system, I'm helping the newly-hired Adult Services librarian at the branch get the lab set up. One of the challenges we've been having with getting the lab ready is finding materials that staff can practice with--since I'm 35, I don't have a collection of home movies or much in the way of film negatives for us to play with. So I've been looking around at used bookstores, antique shops, etc. and grabbing any good examples I come across.

Recently I went to an antique store and found some SLIDES. I was so excited! I sent them over to my colleague at Airport Branch. It's worth mentioning at this point that this librarian JUST got her MLS and this is her third library job and first professional position. She's appallingly bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I don't know how old she is but basically all I do is crush her dreams. She wrote back to me:

"Thank you for the tiny pieces of film!"

This is as bad as when I found the old overhead projector transparencies. 

Jargon

Did I mention that my latest job is as the technology librarian for the system, and that I'm one of the system administrators for our integrated library system? Somehow despite getting a degree in history, I had to learn these terms today:

API=Application Programming Interface: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/API

URI=Unique Resource Identifier (not the same as a URL): https://danielmiessler.com/study/difference-between-uri-url/

Bonus: When I did an initial Google search for "what is an API" Google suggested "What is an API in simple terms" which I think tells you everything you need to know about how my day has been.

Mrs. Claus

A woman walked up to me on the checkout desk and said," I'm looking for Santa. Did he leave?" I froze for a second and then offered "I'm sorry, I haven't seen anyone matching that description."

As soon as the patron walked away, my coworker and I argued heatedly over whether the woman was 1) Talking about a friend/family member who resembled common depictions of Santa Claus, 2) Attempting to joke with us, or 3) dead serious.

The Most Words Part II

 So, remember the eccentric patron from The Most Words who wanted me to measure the biggest dictionary in our reference section? An article in a local magazine came out with her byline! In it, she reminisces about interviewing semi-famous local figures and adds a bit of color by describing the massive dictionary she used to carry around, including its dimensions.

 I'm sorry, weird patron. I was wrong to mock you.

The most words

 Today a patron called and insisted I measure all the dictionaries in our reference section because she only wanted to consult the biggest one. You cannot make these things up.

Still confused

 We now have two large A-frame signs outside our front doors that patrons have to basically squeeze past to reach the doors themselves. The signs say "CLOSED. Curbside pickup only, call 1-800-WALNUT-BLUFF." Of course, people being people, they often squeeze past the signs and pull on the door handle, at which point our front door person (whose job is supposedly delivering curbside pickups as cars arrive) has to shout the information to them. Most people get it at that point. However, today I had a couple who were still confused. They asked me "What kind of appointments do you guys do?" and when I answered "You can come pick up books or movies or printouts!" they replied, "Wait, so you can't come inside and look at books?"

When I relayed this conversation to Children's Librarian, she said, "I think people have been spending too much time in their houses watching TV and they don't know how to interact with real people anymore. They're like 'This one is talking back to me when I talk to it! What am I supposed to do!?'"

'Donations'

A common problem at Walnut Bluff is people leaving bags and boxes of unwanted 'donations' in the dead of night. Right now we are having an argument about which is worse: the three boxes of ancient Civil War books left by the back door in which gloried Confederate generals featured prominently, or the two ripped plastic bags left by the front door of cassette tape cases (yes, you read that right, they were empty).

It's sort of a moot point, as both went straight into the trash.

Pig's name

 Patrons have to call or email us to make an appointment to pick their requests up via curbside service. Here's a recent conversation I had with one family, when the adult called to make a pickup appointment.

Me: Looks like we have 3 books ready for you.

Patron: Can you tell me: Are those all chapter books, or are some of them for little kids?

Me: I'm sorry, they're all chapter books; it looks like the early readers are still on their way. But if you have a younger kid at home, if you can tell me a little bit about them and what they like, we could pull some suggestions for you.

Patron: Oh, that would be great! He's four and he's reading level 1 or 2 readers. He likes Paw Patrol, Peppa Pig, Blaze and the Monster Machines...

Little boy (in background): Boy books!

Patron: (to kid) Girl books are good, too. (to me) No 'girl books,'  but for some reason, Peppa is fine...

Little boy: Peppa isn't a girl's name!

Patron: It's not?

Little boy: No, Peppa is a pig's name!

Curbside at Walnut Bluff

Colors patrons have told us their cars are:

-Bronze

-Champagne

-"A purplish blue, but it will look black." 

-"I say it is green but my husband says it is gray."

-"It's a really janky white Monte Cristo. You will know it when you see it."

Walnut Bluff residents' favorite activity: Calling us to make a curbside appointment and telling us they will come in Car A. Showing up for their appointment in Car B and being really mad that we don't telepathically know it's them and bring their stuff out.  Walnut Bluff residents' second favorite activity: Waiting in the parking lot without calling/texting to tell us they came in a different car, then shouting their information at us when we go out to bring out someone else's holds.

We have three signs on our front doors saying that our building is closed. Literally every day, I see multiple people come up, pause, read the signs, and THEN pull on the door handle to try to come in.

Reasons people park in the curbside pickup parking spots:

1. It's the shadiest spot in the parking lot

2. They are visiting the apartment complex across the street

3. They are cleaning their car/changing a flat tire/eating their lunch/making a phone call

4. They plan to get out and come inside the library

5. They are here for a curbside pickup

I definitely do NOT hit my head on the bike rack of a patron's car when I am closing their trunk. Nope, not even a little bit.

I find a 'curbside bingo' on the internet. The space that hits home the most is 'you and patron disagree on color of patron's car.'

Helping the pros

I had a great phone call on the desk this week:
Patron: "Hi. I have kind of a weird question for you."
Me: "I'm happy to help, I am pretty sure it won't be the weirdest thing of my day."
Patron: "Are you familiar with the author Jonathan Safran Foer?...In your system, are his books under S for Safran or F for Foer?"
Me: "That's a great question. I think under F for Foer, let me check...yep. F for Foer."
The patron thanked me for that, and then asked me to check another author with two last names, this one a black woman. Unfortunately it wasn't someone I'd previously heard of and I can't remember it now, but she was also listed under the second of the two names. I told him that and he said: "Ha, excellent! I'm the co-owner of a new bookstore that is about to open, and my partner and I are arguing about this. I thought we could consult an expert!"

I laughed, felt pleased with the relevance of libraries, made a mental note to visit the bookstore, and said goodbye. About 5 minutes later, the phone rang again:
"Hello, was I just speaking to you? Can you check one more author for me? Carlos Ruiz Zafón?"
He was under R for Ruiz. And Gabriel García Márquez was under G. Huh.
The patron on the phone said, "My business partner is Hispanic, and he was the one saying it was the first of the names. He made me call back with different examples."

After a bit of research, we concluded that this seeming discrepancy is a deliberate standard: English-name authors are classified under the last of their surnames, while Spanish-name authors are classified under the first. Presumably, this is due to different cultural traditions, with multiple last names being the norm in Spanish but rare in English. The Chicago Manual of Style has a succinct but not particularly informative FAQ on it, but I also came across a bilingual picture book called Rene Has Two Last Names, which has hideous art but still warmed my politically-correct heart.

That caller and his bookstore co-owner are for sure patrons of the week. I look forward to visiting their store and reporting back on how it's organized!

Storytime (again)

We have a new children's librarian so I'm not longer doing storytime every week (hooray!) but I'm still her backup so I've been acting as her assistant the last few weeks so I can learn the routine if I need to fill in. Her storytimes are super-fun and I think she's doing a great job, but here are some of the concerns she brings to me:

"I introduced a frog puppet this week and I thought the kids weren't really into him, but when I put him away, a little girl started bawling and going 'but I wanted to touch him!!!' What should I have done?!"

"We were doing 'Herman the Worm.' In the original song he eats fruits but I thought the toddlers wouldn't know what lots of the fruits were so I did animals instead, and I guess I didn't think it through because I did a dog and a cat and a parent got mad at me for singing about pets being eaten."

"We were doing a song with animals and colors and we got to blue and I couldn't think of any blue animals, so I said 'blue cow' and then this week I asked the kids what color a cow is and one of them shouted 'blue!' I think I am a bad influence."

New Year patrons

A patron has a resume saved to a flash drive and needs to upload it to an online job application, but first she asks, "If I want to, you know, twerk it first, how would I do that?"

While helping a patron sign up for a library card: "Are you the manager? I read about you on the reviews! They say you're nice!"

At closing, there's a guy who won't leave the men's bathroom. After a bit of back-and-forth:
Me: Sir, I'm sorry, but we really have to close. My watch says it's 6:05--if you are still in there at 6:07, I am going to call the police and have them escort you out.
[at 6:06, the door opens and he peers out, shirtless] 
Patron: I've got to--
Coworker, looking away: Just go through here and out the door, we won't judge you!
 

Reinventing the wheel(ed rules)

Here's an interesting manager issue I had lately:

We have a lot of people who are homeless who use our library and some of them take their stuff around the neighborhood in stolen shopping carts. We have a problem with people leaving their carts right by the front door so that they are in line of sight from inside the building. I get why people want to do that, but it blocks the front doors, and there's a risk of them running into the parking lot RIGHT by where our book drop is and colliding with someone's car. For this story, it's also important to note that our library has a handful of bike locks that we lend to patrons so they can lock their bikes to our bike rack outside if they don't have their own lock.

Me in a staff meeting yesterday: Anyone noticing any patterns of issues with the building?
Same coworker who wanted to know if I wanted to see 'something related to the building which will make you feel stressed and discouraged': I've noticed a lot of people leaving shopping carts by the front door lately.
Me: Yeah, that's a problem. Please keep moving them out of the way.
Coworker: But where should we put them?
Me: I guess by the bike rack? Since that's where we have people put bikes and scooters and anything else with wheels?
Coworker: People don't like putting their bikes there because they can't see it from inside. I bet the same think will happen with the shopping carts...if someone asks me for a bike lock to lock their shopping cart to the bike rack, what should I say?
Me: Give it to them.
Coworker: But those carts are technically stolen, right? That's illegal!
Me: [Coworker], pick your battles.

Library mode

I was passing through the front desk area and saw that a patron with a small stack of books was standing there looking frustrated while both my colleagues were helping other people, so I approached her and said "Hi, ma'am, is there anything I can help you with?" The patron responded, "No, you can't help me. Every time I ask you a question, you just go into library mode and I can't understand. You people need to understand that other people aren't in that mode."

Me: "I'm so sorry about that, are you sure I can't try to help you?"

Patron (continuing as though she hasn't heard me): Everywhere I go, they go into grocery store mode, or bank mode, or library mode...it's no good, I am not in that mode.

Me:...

Patron: [leaves her stuff on the counter and walks out of the building, still muttering in frustration.]

Me to coworker: Did you help that lady? Do you know what she was upset about?

Coworker: Yeah, she said she wanted to take those books home so I said 'Okay, you want to check them out? I can help you with that in just a minute' and that's when she got mad.

Apparently "check out" was too jargon-y for this patron.

I thought about it all day

Patron on his way out of the library: Have you seen the movie "Monsters, Inc."?
Me: Yes.
Patron: I have an important question for you. Can Mike Wazowski wink?
Me: ...

Not fine fines

Reasons patrons have given me for why I should waive their fines (note that at my library system, we only charge overdue fines if someone else has requested the item--if there are no requests for an item that is late the fines are automatically waived):

"It wasn't me who checked out this book! It was my sister!"

"I didn't get the courtesy reminder that they were due!"

"I am a teacher and I left the book in my classroom over winter break."

 "That season of TV was missing disc 1 when I checked it out."

"I forgot to unlock the case, so I never got to watch it."

"Your automated reminder emails are too long, so I don't read them."