Kids at outreach

We set up a table at a nearby elementary school's "Literacy Night" recently to talk to families about the public library. The kids were given some sort of literacy-based scavenger hunt to do for the evening, plus a bunch of sugary foods.

A pack of tween girls run at full tilt past the table. The girl in the back of the pack is complaining: "I didn't mean run literally!" 

"Are you here all the time?"

Six-year-old apparently all alone, no parent and no ID: "Hello. I'd like to sign up for the library, please." 

Different kid: Can I have a library card?
Me: If your mom or dad comes to tell me it's okay and answers a few questions--
Kid: No, I know I can't sign up for an account by myself. I just want one of the plastic cards even if it's not connected to anything. They look cool.

"Wow! I saw you before! You got me some movies!"

A young boy walks back and forth past my table a few times, each time very carefully balancing a styrofoam cup of cocoa. Then I see him skip past a little bit later, and he says, happily, "I finished my hot chocolate, so now I can run free!"

Hurry up

Today I was on my way back to the desk from helping two women find season 7 of True Blood in the DVDs. As I approached the desk I could hear that the phone was ringing. At the same time, one of our kid regulars walked in, heard the phone, and whisper-shouted "Run!" at me.

Surprises

Today a patron who checks out a ton of ebooks came to the desk to ask: How does that work? How does anyone make money from that? We told him that we have to pay for the ebooks, and he was so surprised.


There was a lot of misinformation and lack of information about the library today--there was a huge 'holiday' (Christmas) open house, meaning a ton of little kids in the library. You would not believe how often people lie to their kids about the rules of the library for the sake of easier parenting!


(Well, if you're a parent, it's probably not such a surprise.)

Hard to explain

• How a scanner works
• That phone with a curly cord is a real phone, I know it doesn't look like the smartphones you are used to
• You can't check your email on a computer that is for looking up library materials
• The fact that the computer is slow does not mean it is not working
• The self-check machine doesn't care how you orient your books because it is not actually scanning them
• Where the 'file' button is on Word 2013--it's too small and too close to something else that is blue, apparently
• You must walk in the library or I WILL KILL YOU

Two hours ALONE on the ref desk

I had to post this because I was so mad at my department for scheduling me out on the desk by myself from 2-4, peak hours. It was super-busy.

My guest pass isn't working.
Do you want to get into a computer?
Yes.
Well, this one is just for the library catalog so you will have to choose a different one.

Moderately creepy guy wants me to check on his interlibrary loan request--of course it is not in our system yet so I have to check our ILL system--it's shipped out but hasn't arrived yet.

Mrs. Smith, really can't use computers including a mouse, no learning curve, needs to print an email.

Guy with a million trivial requests--pencil, paper, where can I take phone call, etc.--later asks can I log him onto the scanner computer--no, he has to log off his other computer and then he can get on the scanner--hugely but passive-aggressively annoyed by this.

Mrs. Smith doesn't know how to print even though I have showed her 3 times before and it tells you exactly what to do, gets upset when I leave.

"Buffy the Slayer" season 1

Lady 15 feet from tax forms: where are tax forms?

Really slow-walking old man--have to take him to three different places in the stacks. Wants info about Arkansas land grants and about a specific Japanese internment camp from WWII, can't convince him to talk to our genealogy dept or to request books from another branch, he only wants what we have here and I can't convince him that we just don't have anything. Also can't use the internet. So frustrating.

Mrs. Smith's thing prints out too small and she wants me to redo it. I finally free myself to help her and she says "Can you do it without me? I am taking a test."

Old Man: "I just got online and I was wondering if the library has a page I could visit."
(One bright spot)

OM also wants newest James Patterson but gets the title wrong--Unlucky 13, not Lucky 13

Little kid is screaming, screaming, screaming.

Crazy woman wants the 'code of ethics for insurance adjustors' which she 'knows exists' becaue her husband got hurt at Michaels and she 'knows they are handling it all wrong!' Also has 10-second attention span.

Print IRS forms off for a woman who turns out to want multiple copies--the IRS added a bunch of new forms this year that are really commonly needed but either they didn't let us order them or our tax person didn't predict what would happen.

The Voice calls with an achievable request for once--addresses to send fan mail to two different actresses--Tatum O'Neal and Jennifer O'Neill (last names a coincidence? no idea).

As soon as I answer The Voice's call a woman with a simple copier question comes up but I am tethered to our old-fashioned corded phone.

Mrs. Smith whose approach I fear--thank goodness she just wants more time on the computer but of course she doesn't know which number she is on.

Little boy who I told to walk please STOMPS as loud as he can past the desk.

Arkansas/Internment guy: How do I check this book out? Note all he has is the one book I found--I TOLD him there wasn't going to be anything else!

Phone rings while I am helping a lady get her print jobs, struggling with my very limited Spanish vocabulary. I have no choice but to let it roll over to children's.

Do I have to do something special to use the computer lab?

Toddler is rolling around on the floor making weird noises, mom is three feet away but doesn't react 'til I go over to intervene.

Help annoying little boy with checkout.

Audio books--Slovak language.

What? Just WHAT.

Yes, ma'am!

An older man asked if he could borrow a 'writing implement' and then when I said "Yes, just bring it back when you are finished" he saluted smartly.

People who aren't familiar with the internet really don't appreciate the importance of entering a URL exactly as written. So frustrating.

Our nuttiest regular (paranoid schizophrenic?) helpfully handed me a puppet that had escaped from the children's area.

A lady can't find 1040 Schedule D because its label is obscured by a messy pile of...schedule Ds. She laughs nervously and says "Oh goodness! Sorry, it has been a long day."

Dysgraphia Guy needs help copying and pasting--did computer designers anticipate what a difficult task this would be?

Coworker to five-year-old: Walk please!...Walk..Walk!...WALK!

Guy comes to reclaim a lost wallet and his $200 is still in it--sooooo excited!

The Retired Police Officer comes to tell me: "I know there isn't really much you can do, but for what it's worth, I just heard that lady ask for the social security number of the person she was talking to [on the phone] and then read it back to her. The whole thing. I checked to see if anyone was writing it down."

Help us type in this captcha? (Captcha identification is an important librarian skill)

It's hard to convince people that each sheet of 1099-MISC tax forms has two forms on it. It's especially hard to convince the guy with 90% gold teeth.

Only in a public library

Coworker: Could you help the lady in the Tweety pajamas? She's having trouble with a Word document.
Me: Sure. Where is she?

Bonus: I bet you are picturing pajama pants but no, they were onesies! I think they might even have been footy pajamas.

Also, I had this conversation with a running kid last week:
Me: Walk, please!
(Kid stops running)
Me: Thank you!
Kid: You're welcome!

Librarian Bingo

Problem not solved

I was on the children's desk for most of the evening because the Thursday night Youth Services person was out sick. A pack of three kids was running wildly around the children's area. Two of them were the age where, if they fall down and skin their knees, they burst into earsplitting wails. I told each of them repeatedly to "please walk" in the library, reminded them that you "can't run" here, etc. etc. Eventually I asked one if her mom or dad was here with her. She indicated a woman who was helping two older kids with homework at a table in the kids' area. I went to get her to take responsibility for the kids that she had brought to the library (why you think you should take five kids anywhere without a supporting adult is a separate question). This was our conversation:

Me: Can you please ask your children to stop running?
Woman: I already have.

That does not conclude your responsibilities, lady!

Children's librarians work a lot harder than I do

Today I was on the children's desk all by myself all day because the youth services person who is normally here is getting married. I gained a new respect for what she does. This was my day:

As the designated Spanish speaker on days when the native speakers aren’t working, register a lady who ‘needs to speak to someone in Spanish’ for a computer class. Her English is really, really good and she keeps speaking to me in English after I speak to her in Spanish.

A couple of people are really confused about how the AARP tax help that the library hosts works.

“Can you look up a book for me? You can do it faster than I can. I have to go now. The author is J-O-H-M-A-N-N.”

“Johnmann?”

“Yes. Oh wait, I’m not finding it here because I can’t read my own notes. It’s at another branch.”

“Well I’m not seeing anything by this author at all—did I spell it incorrectly?”
“Take out the N.”

“Oh, okay, would you like me to put one of these titles on hold for you.”

“No, I have to go.”

My eternal favorite question in the children’s area: “Do you have any books about dinosaurs?” Plus a bonus: I get him to take a book about Megalodon too!

A couple with a little toddler walks by. Dad to little girl: “Look at all these books! Isn’t this more books than you’ve ever seen in your entire life!” and to mom: “She’s just like….aaaah!”

One of those homeschooling families with like a million children comes through like a tornado, leaving huge piles of abandoned and all the toys from the play area scattered across the floor. You’re not teaching your children to pick up after themselves in homeschool, people?

The Dear Dumb Diary series by Jim Benton.

How do I sign up for a library card?

“Excuse me, where are the Bluebonnets, and the new books?”

The Bluebonnets are literally right behind me, over my shoulder, and she spots those. But it is really hard to get her to articulate which new books she wants. Eventually she says kids’ chapter books. Then when I first show them to her she says “No!”

It’s really hard to describe where the tax help is relative to the children’s desk.

Help a very nice man figure out where to mail his tax return.

Lots of people want to know if the bookmarks from our bookmark contest are free (they are).

Earlier books in a Meg Cabot series than the one she has, and also Maximum Ride books (this a YA series by James Patterson and requests for it used to confuse the heck out of me before I learned what it was).

Princess books. Satisfied by Princess Tiana and the Royal Ball.

Refill displays. Prediction that Animal Grossology will be the first book of the day to circulate off the New Junior Nonfiction display comes true.

Books from the I Spy series.

Phineas and Ferb books and also Wild Kratts—there are no books but we do have a DVD of the show. One of the Phineas and Ferb books has a loose page and, after checking that no one from Circulation is looking, I tape it back in with regular Scotch tape because someone else is waiting to ask a question and I don’t want to go to the back and fix it properly.

Because of Winn Dixie (in) and Legends of Zita the Spacegirl (out).

Do you have books about gods?

Judy Moody series and, from a different patron, Junie B. Jones series. I’m glad get asked this because I need the practice distinguishing them—I’ve been known to mix them up in the past.

Bad Kitty series from a small boy with a major stutter. Luckily we are able to communicate.

Place a hold for a popular kids DVD—can’t remember what series it was.

Books on gymnastics.

Monster High.

The most impossible readers’ advisory ever, and the children’s person is out this weekend. After seeing about 20 choices, she selects the graphic novel series Guinea Pig: Pet-Shop Private Eye.

Pick up a stack of books abandoned next to one of the computers. There are five of them and four are the exact same title. Why!?

“How many movies can I have checked out?” I love getting this question because at our library you can have up to 50 things checked out at a time, and the format doesn’t matter. People are expecting they can have three movies or five movies or maybe ten movies, and then you say they can have fifty and they get really excited.

The newest Diary of a Wimpy Kid (it’s The Third Wheel).

“Where are those fairy books?” i.e. the ones written by “Daisy Meadows.”

Stories about cats. Luckily, I now know to recommend the Bad Kitty series.

Little girl: I need a library card.

Dad: You already have a library card!

Pinkalicious books. I don’t know if I object more to the gender-stereotype-reinforcing content or to the fact that I can never spell “pinkalicious” correctly on the first try.

Heir Apparent by Vivian Vande Velde. It’s checked out but another book set in the same universe is in—good enough!

The same little girl that told me she needed a library card runs past the desk and I say “Please walk in the library!” Her mom, who is following behind her, whispers “Sorry. I told her to run!”

“Do you have any books of Shaun the Sheep?” No, we don’t. Dang.

Dinosaur books again.

Pandora the Curious, Confectionately Yours, and Bake Sale.

Dragon Tales DVDs. This kid and his dad are well-known regulars because he is autistic and because his dad is eternally tolerant. The dad gets the kid to repeat the request after him and he seems to be doing well but then he darts around and presses the power button on my computer, shutting it off. Then he stands next to me, staring at it intently. “He has to make sure it is really shutting down,” his dad says with resignation.

While the computer is down: Field Trip Mysteries.

Are there art lessons for kids in the library?

Villain School: Are there more of these, and what order is the series in?