Things I have to say to patrons:
"Excuse me, sir, is that your saw blade?"
"It doesn't matter if that's you in the picture, it's still not okay to look at pictures of naked people on the library computers."
"I'm sorry, but if I have to ask you to put your shoes back on again, I am going to have to ask you to leave the library for the day."
"Is that your son trying to run out the front door?"
"I'm sorry, you really can't go in the restroom right now. I promise the plumbers are working on it."
"Sorry, I'm not going to ask kids to leave the library because they are laughing. This is the children's area."
"I'm just trying to do my job."
Things I have to say to staff:
"No, please don't 'introduce termites' onto the dead tree outside as a solution. I'm sure the city will come cut it down soon."
"I know that email looks like a scam, but I swear it really is from I.T. and you really do have to do that cybersecurity training. Yes, I know it's ironic."
"If this graphic novel makes you uncomfortable, you can fill out the same complaint form a patron would fill out. Please don't just hide it at your desk without checking it out."
"Sorry, you can't have book cart races."
"The library will be FINE. Please, just go home and take some cold medicine."
"I'm just trying to do my job."
