Oh no

I am doing a pet project of cleaning up old notes on patron records when I have downtime on the reference desk. As far as I can tell, I seem to be undoing the life's work of one of Those Old School Library Workers who felt that all things should be noted in the patron's account, period. Today I deleted someone's social security number from the notes field of their patron record.

SMH.

From the last staff meeting

“But the bad things are so funny.”

And, a suggestion that we get a fake police uniform, since people who don’t listen to us listen to our security guard right away: “Spell ‘police’ with a ‘u’ and we’re not legally liable!”

Good (well, decent) Friday patrons

I'm not even supposed to be on the desk this hour. I came out to talk to a crabby patron who wanted to dispute a fine and then got trapped. The patron is mad because we charged her for extensive highlighting and underlining--the book was so bad when it was returned that we took pictures and then withdrew it on the spot. She keeps saying "But you have the book! How are you still charging me if I gave the book back!?"

Are you going to be closed tomorrow?

Can I ask you a wishy-washy question? What do you personally think the phrase "capture the narrative" means?

Kids: We found the Easter eggs you hid. Don’t worry, we hid ‘em again in new spots.

I wanna return these 10 movies, then I'm gonna get 10 more.

How do I print, x3.

How do I get on a computer, x10.

How old do you have to be to get a library card? Can I sign my sister up for one or does my mom have to come?

Can you help me request these books? I wanted the whole series but I only got two because the computer didn’t like me.

Is it possible for me to use a phone anywhere around here?!

A kid has an AMAZING tantrum when her mom won’t let her use the computer. I hand her a board book and she stops just long enough for me to get my hopes up that I'm secretly the Toddler Whisperer, then lets out an eardrum-shattering scream.

Oh, gotta go. I think I just spotted our security guard walking Not a Service Dog past the front door. Boundaries, SG! Boundaries!

I own this library

This weekend I finally had to ban one of our regulars from the library, not for one egregious incident but for a bunch of little things that just weren't getting better despite constant warnings from staff and one-day 'bans.' I felt kind of bad going to do it because she definitely has something aytpical going on mentally, and I don't know how much she really understands what we're saying to her. Here's how the conversation went:
Security guard: So you need to leave this library, and you won't be allowed to come back here for three months. Do you understand?
Patron: I'll be back next week.
Security guard: What?...But, the manager and I will be here and we will know you are not allowed.
Patron: Oh, you won't be here anymore. I own this library, and I will replace you. I just need a week to bring on some new people.

After we escorted her out, I found that she had glued a bunch of random objects to one of our wooden tables with a huge glob of super glue, so I didn't end up feeling too bad for her.

Great week

Chatty security guard: Hello, Emma! How are you today?!
Me: Fine, thanks. How are you? 
CSG: I'm great! This is a great week! Do you want to know why?
Me: Why?
CSG: Because the police and the EMTs have not been here a single day this week!

February weirdness

I am originally from a much colder climate than Texas, and my mother used to celebrate getting through February, which always felt miserable in the wintry north. I was thinking that now I live in Texas I should have a similar celebration at the end of August, but if this month continues on the current course, I'm going to have to keep celebrating surviving February:

A volunteer who, despite being repeatedly offered the chance to lock her purse in the staff area, insists on keeping it with her while shelving, came to us distraught and asking us to call the police because, you guessed it, someone stole her purse. Fortunately, its absence was noted almost immediately, apparently before the person who took it had a chance to get away, and our security guard found it abandoned on a bottom shelf in the stacks. Not until police had already been called, though, and they were crabby when they arrived.

Our storytime has moved into our program room from the children's area because it's too big. The children's librarian likes to leave the door open to welcome the many families that come in fashionably late, so I am posted at the door for an hour as 'storytime assistant' and I spend 90% of my time redirecting a crabby toddler who keeps trying to escape into the rest of the library (I'm only free the last 10% of the time because his caregiver snaps and buckles him into his stroller for the last part of the program).

Instead of weeding damaged or outdated books, I swear all the other branches are sending them to us to "float" into our collection.

Our heating system has had some sort of catastrophic failure. While we wait for the replacement part to arrive, the library is heated by a series of loud, obnoxious fans that facilities services seems to have placed in order to maximize the number of patrons that their cables and noise will disrupt. Also, when I ask the facilities services techs if we can leave the system running at night, they say "Well, it will be cold in the morning. But better a library that's cold but still there than one that's burned down." So now it's 60 degrees when we arrive each morning, and the hour we have before patrons arrive is NOT long enough for things to heat up enough to keep them from complaining.

Everyone's kids have the flu, so I work a couple of 9-9 shifts to cover people who are out sick. That means I have half a day of comp time, and I plan to sleep through aaaaall of it.

We are un/fortunate enough to be hosting free tax help for patrons--it's a great service that people can't get many other places, but WOW is it a staff headache. One of the library assistants warns, "I know this is your first year and I don't want to stress you out, but you should probably know that the two volunteers who are in charge of tax help are enemies. They will always tell you contradictory things about what they need."

A patron cries at the desk because we can't accept the document she brought in as proof of city residency to sign her up for a library card. "I just wanted to get a booooooook!"

This week

Bathroom issues: A man wants to permission to use the women's restroom because whoever is in the single stall in the men's room is taking ages. "If you don't let me in, I'm going to pee on myself right here!"

Later the same day a woman complains that another woman threatened her in the bathroom because she thought she was trying to look through the stall at her. The accuser is a known stirrer-upper-of-drama so I offer her the phone to call the police to report the threat. Surprisingly, police come, and speak to and calm down both ladies involved.

When is there going to be tax help at the library? times 20.

While picking up trash outside the library (I failed to escape this responsibility by transferring to Walnut Bluff) I find two empty beer cans and an empty full-size wine bottle. Yikes.

I fill in for a sick coworker at a kids' craft program. I tried bribing my other staff members (most of whom are very afraid of children) by saying that anyone who sat through the program with me as a sort of exposure therapy could go home an hour early, but no one took me up on it.

A kid at the craft program has a stuffed dog in a Superman costume.
Me: Wow, is that Superdog?
Kid: No, it's Dinodog.
Kid's mom: He has dinosaur pajamas on under the Superman outfit. It's complicated.

A Hispanic guy comes in, sees my white self and my black coworker at the desk, and immediately looks away and pretends he doesn't see us.
Me: Hi, how can we help you?
Him: Uh...no English.
Me: Oh, como podemos ayudar a usted? [Oh, how can we help you?]
Him: Whoa...[I need to print something.]
Me: [Yeah, sure, we can do that!]

My colleague spots me as I am dusting the Spanish section--"Are you trying something, or is this a hint?" Kind of both.

Different colleague is trying and failing to pull out the first wipe in a canister of Lysol wipes, but he can't reach in far enough. He says, "I wonder if this is what t-rexs felt like" and I accidentally crack up loud enough that a patron glares at me.

Earning my keep

Today I submitted 3 different incident reports to library administration, talked to 3 different police officers, evicted 5 people from the library, and talked to 2 different patrons who insisted on speaking to the manager.

When finally the building power went out around 5:00 p.m., I really felt it was a sign we should all be allowed to close up shop early.

Welcome to Walnut Bluff

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, I got promoted to be the branch manager at Walnut Bluff, a different location in the same system as Mystery Library. Mystery Library boss finally got back from her vacation so I've now moved over to Walnut Bluff. Being a new manager is exciting, probably too exciting. I had about a week where I didn’t know what to do with myself but now that I know enough to be of some use to the staff it’s gotten crazy. Here's what it's like at thew new job in the new library:

I used to drink a single cup of coffee most mornings and was in plausible “I can quit whenever I want!” denial, but I have rapidly become very addicted.

Staff member warns me—"I really don’t think you should let the embroidery group that comes on Tuesday evenings be out in the public area like they want to. They always bring like an entire dinner and make a huge mess! I personally feel they should be confined to the conference room.”

Rainstorms—one of the library assistants shows me where to put out the buckets.

A grandma and mom get into a heated argument about whether the daughter is qualified to be taking care of her baby son. The police arrive and I have to stay late so I can pry the call report number out of them for admin’s records.

All the regulars have caught on to my existence and have either introduced themselves in a helpful and friendly fashion, and/or tried out their best ’but I didn’t knows’/’everyone else lets me’s/whatevers on me, usually both.

The front doors have to be locked and unlocked with an allyn wrench and I’m really struggling with it. At this rate I’m going to have to observe every single one of my employees do it before I finally figure it out.

The monthly meetings the management team has last four hours. I really hope this is atypical but I’m too embarrassed to ask anyone.

Trying to figure out how to use the antiquated software for using our security cameras is like deliberately slamming my head repeatedly into a brick wall. It doesn’t help that the only password I can find written down (1234, by the way) doesn’t actually work, so I only have access to some of the system features and I can’t tell what doesn’t work because I’m not logged in vs. what I haven’t figured out how to use vs. what just isn’t possible.

I find a domino hidden behind a poster in the children’s area, page says “yyyyyeah, that’s been a problem lately.”

I present a list of demands to our Building and Grounds department for things that we need fixed: New flags for the flagpole out front, paint over the graffiti in the women’s bathroom, replacement bulbs for 4 or 5 lights on the public floor, and someone to clean the outsides of the windows. It’s amazing what level of dirt and brokenness people get used to when it accumulates gradually. Our Buildings liaison says, “Nice to meet you. This building is the same age as I am so we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”

One-on-one introductory meetings with staff—when I close the door behind the first person, he says, grinning, “This is giving me flashbacks to the high school principal’s office.”

A woman wants to bring her ‘service chihuahua’ into the library. Nope, nope, nope.

A different woman is surprised to hear that we are open on Sundays: “I knew deep in my heart that you were closed that day!”

Gone when police arrived

I went to training this week on being the person in charge of the building, since that's my job on days our branch manager is out. One of the things we covered was how to fill out an incident report properly, and what kinds of things merit a report. The trainer read out some examples, including these:


Patron was sleeping.


Patron's arm trapped in elevator door.


Beer cans found behind toilet in men's room.


A patron called a staff member an [expletive] and then left.


Patron repeatedly violated the internet use policy.


A patron complained that another, older patron, rather than using the restroom in the appropriate place, used the restroom prematurely.


I think when I was a kid my parents had some sort of police blotter compilation that included a chapter on reports of weird incidents that all ended with the phrase "gone when police arrived." This training brought back vivid memories of that book.

Unexpected

Today there was an incident where I was accused of being racist, and it made me feel good rather than bad. Let me explain:


I think I'd like to be a department head or maybe even a library director someday. Knowing this, I keep an eye out for things that happen at work that would tell me if it am suited for the work and would help make me more qualified. So today was sort of a weird experience.


A woman was having trouble with a website in one of our PCs. At first she was cursing and mumbling to herself but it started to get louder and I thought it might bother other patrons. Instead of starting us off on bad foot by having my first interaction with her be a complaint, I went over near her and said "Do you need some help with the computer?" to which she responded something like "No! I need you to get out of my space and I need your mother f***king computer to work! So you can just go back and get away from me." So I did. Soon after that I went to help a white woman sitting a few chairs down whose web browser had frozen. That was a normal nice patron interaction where no one was mad at anyone and we fixed the problem and I left again. 


After a bit the first woman started cursing again so this time I went up and said "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you can't use language like that in here. I know you're frustrated but it violates our code of conduct. If it happens again I will have to ask you to leave the library." While I was saying this she was simultaneously talking to me about how I needed to get out of her space (I was about 5 feet away from her chair) and how she would leave if we asked her to and she had her own car and we could call the police if we wanted. So I left again.


Unsurprisingly, the cursing didn't stop, but as I got up to go over to tell her she needed to leave the security guard approached (my colleague had heard our last interaction and called her on the radio, anticipating what would happen next). The security guard escorted her out while she continued to curse and make complaints about me getting in her space and being racist (she said she was being kicked out because she was black and that I had been rude to her but nicer to the white woman I helped with her web browser). Since I grew up in a culture with institutionalized racism, I am sure I have some racist feelings and beliefs at a subconscious level, but I know I didn't make this woman leave because of the color of her skin and I am confident that I would have treated a white person who was behaving the same way in a very similar respect.


Both of my colleagues on the floor came over to say how mean that woman was and how I had been perfectly reasonable with her. Even a patron came up to basically say the same thing. I know they were trying to help me feel better, and I appreciated it, but actually...I didn't need help. I was feeling pretty good about myself. One of the things I worry about disqualifying me from management is not being emotionally tough enough to be the person who tells patrons they have to leave, or to stand up to people who are being verbally abusive. I did have the safety net of the security guard to fall back on, but I still felt like the confrontation I had today was an indication that I was getting better at it and would eventually be able to do it well. I dreaded the conversations I had with her a little, but I still had them, and had them confidently without getting emotional myself.


So that was a victory for me, in a weird way.

Regulars

Ms. Opp called three times within the first 20 minutes of my first shift back at Downtown Library. I also saw Mr. Timmons the same day but he didn't bring me any candy. I must have taken him too much by surprise, or maybe Seamus the Boss of Security has cracked down on food in the library now that it's all nice and clean (someone already spilled beer on the new carpet, though).


The first question my husband asked me when I got home from my first day back at Downtown was "Was Janis there?" She was not. I might have to email one of my new friends from West Side Branch and make sure she is okay.

Visiting the West Side

Downtown Library closed for renovations on the first of the year and the powers that be have dispersed its staff, including me, to other branches in the system for the next couple of months while the construction workers and the movers work on the library. I was assigned to West Side Branch, along with Seamus from Security and a couple of pages and clerks. West Side Branch is one of the closest ones to Downtown and is on a lot of bus routes, so I have been seeing a lot of my old regulars here.


My first shift was earlier this week and I immediately spotted Janis, Giant Headphones Guy, Local University Regalia Guy, Online Class Gentleman, and even Mr. Timmons, who stopped by the desk to greet me, give me a lollipop (he brings his own candy), and tell me "Have you used the bathrooms here yet? Look out, it's like the toilet flushers have a kick!"


Seamus also stopped by to check in. He told me he'd helped Janis get set up on a computer and gave the verdict "This place seems a lot like Downtown. Mostly good but each with their own set of problem patrons. I'm already getting to know them."


Right now I am on the Youth desk watching a toddler contentedly chew on the rubber protector that holds one of our early literacy iPads. I'm glad that here, unlike at Downtown, it's going to be someone else's job to put those away at closing time.

Wacky Wednesday refgrunt

First patron in the door: Is the copier on?


There is one voicemail from while we were closed, but it is either a pocket dial or the worst-quality connection I have ever experienced.


Can I please use a computer?


Oh, but the printer server is down. Call upstairs to IT and beg them to reboot it.


Circ clerk approaches with picture of the assailant from last week's assault: Can you put this somewhere visible but not too obvious? He threatened to come back today. If you see him, call the police.


Patron who asked about the copier is copying the crossword puzzle from the New York Times, asks for help and if he has to go upstairs to do the same thing with The Wall Street Journal.

Woman at computer: Excuse me!...Never mind, I got it.

Eccentric older man and non-eccentric (or at least, not visibly) younger man come un and ask to use a meeting room. The older man fills out the application, but stops to answer his cell phone when it rings (so much for "please silence your ringer in the library") and then rudely stands in front of the desk and talks so that no other patrons can approach, until I make him leave. He leaves his stuff on the desk and when I indicate to him that he has to move it too, he rudely gestures to the younger guy and the younger guy sheepishly moves it.


Woman at computer: Excuse me! What's going on with this website?
Me: I'm sorry, it looks like the page has crashed.
Woman: Well, can you un-crash it!?


A few minutes later she comes over to me at the desk: Gimme the number for the Italian National Guard.
First she is mad when I tell her there is no such thing, then she is mad when we agree to substitute to Italian National Police because I tell her the person who answers the phone won't necessarily speak English. "Can't you give me the English one?"


Then she wants the Hawaii National Guard instead.


Man at copier (different from first copier guy): Paper clip?
5 seconds later: Staple remover?
5 seconds later: Stapler? Sorry, you must hate me.


Copier Man, like many of the patrons who come in just to use the copier, has come from the courthouse down the street (where they charge two dollars a page to make copies!) and starts telling me about all his crazy legal problems and family drama. I've made a game of deciding in each of these cases who I think should win, and for once I take the patron's side on my imaginary jury. He actually seems like a nice, pretty sane guy, just stressed out.


See a regularly unpleasant patron who was banned for a month for watching porn on library computers enter the lobby. His ban is over, though, so there's nothing I can do.


What do you gotta do to get on a computer?


Weed The Idiot's Guide to Cigars and Majestic Mule Deer from the nonfiction collection.


Read an article about security in libraries and cringe over a story of a guard telling a woman that she either had to take off her hijab or leave the building (up there with the gender policing that our security guards just can't seem to stop) but turn a little green with envy over another story of a library which had such a close relationship wit the police that when the police were short of space, the library lend them an office, and in return they set up a small children's museum in the room next door.


Patron just walking in the door: Wow, it's peaceful in here.
Today, anyway, sir.

Two fights in one afternoon

This afternoon I'm on the desk at Downtown Library with a friend/coworker who is currently on crutches, so when we heard raised voices back in the 600s I went back to investigate while she called the security guard. I as relieved to see that everyone was sitting down, but as soon as I came in sight a short man said, "Ma'am, can you call security? This man won't leave me alone and keeps trying to touch my computer! I only said one thing to him!" A taller man was sitting in the chair next to him. I assured the first guy that the security guard was on his way and went to see if that was actually the case. I didn't see Seamus the boss of security, so I went back, figuring that I might be able to do something to keep the guys calm or at least be witness if anything happened. Unfortunately, when I came back, the tall guy was getting in the short guy's personal space and they'd started exchanging insults. The tall guy got up to walk away, but called the short guy a bitch as he did so, prompting the short guy to get up as though he were going to fight him, and they started doing the 'shadow shove' at each other, the way people often do before actually laying hands on one another in a fight.


At that point Seamus showed up and got the tall guy to leave relatively calmly. I went back to my desk, and Seamus went back to the 600s section, I assumed to talk to the man with the computer. Imagine my surprise when he came back with a different, even angrier man, who was shouting expletives and insults at him. Seamus put his hand on the guy's shoulder to steer him out, at which point the man got (somewhat justifiably, I think) way more upset, "Don't you lay your hands on me! You ain't got no right! You're just a rent-a-cop, not the police!" Then he splashed half a bottle of pop onto him and onto the floor of the library.


So, I witnessed two altercations within half an hour. The first one was less severe in outcome, but bothered me more because I was more involved in it. I realized I had no clue what I would do if the two men started fighting. Get between them? Shout at them to stop? Call 911? Stand there paralyzed with confusion because I have no plan for this situation? Probably the last one, which is sub-optimal. On the one hand, it's not in my job description to put myself at physical risk to stop fights in the library. My employer not only doesn't expect me to, their lawyer would probably be alarmed if I did. On the other hand, I still sort of feel like I should be getting actively involved, because violence isn't the answer, etc., and I don't think either of those men would have deliberately hurt a young woman who didn't do anything to offend them and was just trying to separate them.


Anyone else experience a fight at their workplace? How did you handle it, or wish you had handled it?

April Fools

Why play jokes when this is a regular day at your job?


A man who has a selfie of just him alone as the desktop background of his computer.


A man who argues with me that a print directory of Michigan nonprofit organizations "must exist" because there are so many of them. Then he answers his phone at the desk "I'm at the liberry. I didn't know if you were going to call me back."


People shouting in Arabic on the stairs.


Patron asks for government information we don't have. Coworker says, "It looks like they have those documents at the County Library down the street." Patron: "What!? This isn't County Library!? Then what is this place!?"

Over the walkie-talkie, we hear Barney the security guard say "I'm going to get a mini-skirt to match Bill's."


While I am using the public restroom, a voice form the next stall over says, "I am so sorry to bother you in this situation, but does the library sell tampons!? Anywhere!?" (I end up getting her one out of my purse.)


Are there stairs I can take up to the next floor, or do I have to take the elevator only?


Spot patron who cried when the printer's coin box spit our her ten dollar bills as quarters. She still makes me nervous.


You know those computer viruses that are popups that tell you your computer is infected and that you need to dial 1-800-555-SCAM for 'tech support' to fix it? One of those messages popped up on a patron's computer and I had to go interrupt her phone call with the scammers and convince her that they couldn't fix the computer and that she should hang up.


Someone has stolen Schedule B out of our book of reproducible tax forms.


Our oddest phone patron, Ms. Opp for short, calls, but she just wants to know--"Science Friday isn't on our local npr on Friday afternoons anymore! What happened to it?"


Excuse me, could you pleas help me find this book? The catalog said it was on the shelf but I couldn't see it.


On my way back from this, I hear a quiet howling. I have to interrupt a man who is listening to something on his phone with his headphones in. When I politely suggested that he might not have his headphones plugged in all the way, he just stared at me, so I said "I heard howling." "Oh, yeah, that's my ringtone." "Well, if you could silence it while you are in the library I would appreciate it."


The closing elevator doors don't automatically stop closing for a last minute passenger, but he forces his way into the elevator anyway as the doors try to squash him. The other man already waiting to descend looks awkwardly on.


Phone call from someone who wants the phone number for a local Mary Kay representative (what?). It's hard to talk to her because she keeps pressing buttons on the phone the whole time we're talking and it beeps and beeps.


"I'll just leave my backpack right here by your desk." No, you won't.


The 30 minutes warning comes on over the loudspeaker, announcing we close at 6 today. From the computer, I can hear someone go "Aww, man! I forgot it was Friday!"


Patron: Did you ever figure out why the library website won't open in Chrome?

Variety

In case I haven't said it before, the best thing about being a librarian is the variety!


9-9:30 Work on a grant application to translate info about our library into other languages
9:30-10:30 Weed unpopular books and audiobooks
10:30-10:45 Break: read The Most of P.G. Wodehouse and eat a donut.
10:45-11:45 Organize a set of 1960s realtor's index cards describing local homes
11:45-12:00 Review the album "Out of Time" by R.E.M. for the library's blog
12:00-1:00 Lunch/Wodehouse
1:00-5:00 On the reference desk: looking up what "rotating credit" is, emailing the library card application to an English-as-a-Second-Language teacher, helping unload the tax forms that just arrived, and listening to Security interrupt a drug deal in progress in the bathroom.

Saturday questions

First call of the morning is my boss from downstairs. Can I check for two books and send them down on the dumbwaiter?


Say hi to a coworker from my job at the community college. Oh my goodness, you work here too!?


Second call, a surprisingly interesting reference question: Can you tell me who is the lighthouse keeper for a particularly lighthouse in Michigan? The lighthouse she's interested in is the Grant Traverse Lighthouse, and it turns out they have a program where  you, Jane Citizen, can stay there for a week and be the lighthouse keeper! I don't know if that is at all relevant to what the patron was interested in, but I hope she tries it out. (I give her the contact information for the museum affiliated with the lighthouse so that she can call them and get more information on the lighthouse keeper situation.)


A 7th grader calls. She wants to volunteer at the library but needs help with the application. Among other difficulties, she doesn't know the word 'applicable' and has to spell it for me over the phone so I can identify and explain it. After several minutes, I gently inquire whether she has a parent who might be able to help her with the application. "Oh, I didn't think of that..."


Can you help me find Bitch is the New Black? She has the call number but doesn't know what to do with that information.


The Haunted House Diaries is checked out, but I can show you other haunted places materials. You're really writing a paper on this?


Nicest phone patron (the anti-Mac) calls. All his calls start with "I wonder if you could help me with..." He just wants the phone number of the local UPS store.


Patron comes up: 'I think the guy on computer 39 is very drunk. He is talking to himself and falling over and he's dropped his wallet three times." When we call Security to come check on him, he says, "I think he's petting an imaginary dog." Fortunately, the man leaves peacefully with a police officer.


Angry man: There are three people over there and they came and sat down and all they are doing is just talking!


I can get change for a ten dollar bill downstairs, right? Actually, I think we have it up here.


I put these two books on hold but they're not ready yet. Can you show me where to find them? It's tough to explain to people that there's not someone waiting by a computer screen just watching for holds to come in. We only pull them a couple of times a day! Normal stores don't do anything like this at all ("Hi grocery store staff. Please collect a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, an onion, and a loaf of bread and save them under my name. I'll be there to pick them up in half an hour.") yet somehow the fact that it takes us, like, hours to pull people's books for them seems to annoy many people a lot.


Is this the right elevator to get back to the main floor of the library? Sorry, I usually go to [small branch library]? Thank you so much, have an amazing day!


Is there a bathroom on this floor? Thank you!


(Why is there a negative correlation between how tough/annoying a question is for me to answer and how pleased patrons are when I help them? The people who ask the easiest questions are almost always the nicest.)


What are the hours of the library through Wednesday?


Are you familiar enough with the scanner to help me scan something in and edit it? (Not how that works, sorry!)


If I highlight something on a website and then print, it will just print the highlighted part, right?


The same conversation about highlighting and printing again, 30 minutes later. Same patron. This time I walk her through how to copy and paste just the part she wants into Word.


Guy searching on a jobs website can't make it show jobs close to where he lives (this is because the website isn't working properly.)


Okay, now I want to copy things from multiple web pages into the same document. Can I do that, too?


Computer virus help for the job search patron. Word help for the printing patron. Neither will come up to the desk; they just keep waving me over as I start to go back to my desk after helping the other one.


Printer troubles.


Can you look at my cover letter? "I'm not any kind of expert on...yeah, I can help you fix your grammar, anyway."


What Is The What by Dave Eggers (love that title) and where is the fiction section?


(As I am doing 'roving reference' i.e. making a sweep of the floor to see what patron misbehaviors are happening and/or what aftermaths need to be dealt with) 'Excuse me, are you one of the reference librarians? Can you tell me if this 'Great Fish Bay' has any other names and what modern day country it's in? And can I get a printout of a map?"


Excuse me, what time does the library close today?


I'm trying to find a book. The catalog says it's here and the call number is 921 Mitner, but your 900s go straight from 920 to 923. Oh no, it's in Biographies, sorry!


Boss from downstairs again: Now can you send down The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks?


Request Allen Carr's The East Way to Stop Smoking from another branch. Good for you, sir! Good luck!


Can you show me where this call number is? Also, do you have anything about this in large print?


Are there maps of town I can look at?


Did you move the biography of Thelonious Monk?


Do you have The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis?


If you wanted to listen to internet radio here, what are the rules?


Young volunteer comes in in person. Still has a lot of questions about the application. I ruthlessly pass her off to our Youth Services Librarian.


Our oddest phone patron calls for some info on home security systems.


Well, it's 5:45, so Loud Background Noise Woman will be calling any minute now. I'd better get off the blog since talking to her always requires opening a million browser tabs.

Apprehended

This afternoon, Barney and Seamus spotted the man who peed in the stairwell a couple of weeks ago and confronted him. Not only did he deny everything despite video evidence--he was wearing the same outfit as in the security footage. The most plausible explanation was that he was blackout drunk when he did the deed and genuinely doesn't remember.


Fortunately (for us), you can still be banned from library premises for things you were too drunk to remember doing.

"Zip" code

My boss's mom calls. When she tries to read an ebook she has checked out, all the body text shows up as totally blank--header and footer only. Yikes.


Coworker to patron who is struggling to use the stapler (yes, the stapler): Can I help you with that?


Patron who neither me nor my coworker helped: Thank you!


One of our regular callers (always very rude an impatient) calls for some information about the Houston Texans. He wants the address, and says, "And what's the so-called zip code?"


As soon as I pick up the phone to talk to him, the other line rings and my coworker has to get that one. When I hear her say, "I am seeing someone by that name here in town, but not in El Paso, Texas...oh, I thought you said she was in El Paso" I think I probably got the better deal.


High-level librarian from the admin office comes to talk to me about a little presentation I'm doing for our staff development day. I think we're done when I go off to help someone but later I see she has hung around to ask one of us to call security--she just saw three men go into the two-stall men's bathroom. I haven't heard the outcome of this yet but I am giving 70:30 odds on empty bottles of booze versus drug paraphernalia.


All phones today. Another regular caller wants the addresses of the San Francisco Police Department and a (supposedly) well-known preacher, and then also asks if we have a book called Lord, Let Me Give You A Million Dollars. Not a huge surprise, we don't.


I shouldn't have decided to do a refgrunt today, because of course it is waaaaay too busy.


Spend lots of time with a man needing to fill out a State of Michigan form. This always takes a long time, but in this case it is form tracking his caregiving activities for his brother, and also, he doesn't really read, so it's basically impossible. His wife/girlfriend is there and clearly has a better grasp of both reading and computing. She also seems to be itching to do it for him but for some reason restrains herself.


Help two women apply for a job at Dollar General, fails when it turns out they need an email address, which they have but don't know the password to. They are really nice but smell so heavily of smoke it is hard to breathe while working with them. Then when I tell them we are open on weekends, they say, "Oh, are you going to be here?"


When I finally make it to the desk, coworker says, "I need your help trying to track down a poem that might or might not exist." Again, despite how busy I am, I think I'm getting the long end of the stick.


Another of our odd regulars wants me to print out this picture of a 1999 Popular Mechanics cover for him. Apparently we did this before, but he lost it. I wimp out and don't take up the issue of copyright.


Number for a local plastic surgeon (more phones!).


Security guard comes to give us a printout of a security camera photo of a patron suspected to be stalking children at another branch. I recognize him--that guy comes in here all the time! Oh no.


One of our rare phone patrons who is actually nice, just wants the phone number for a local bank.


Man with a book from the staff picks display: Can these be checked out, or do you have to read them here?


Computer 24 has a virus.


How do I start this quiz on my computer?


More phone number calls. I really wish people would use phone books.