It's ALL the same internet, actually

I was working at the reference desk at our biggest location, which has two stories, earlier this week. A patron came to the desk and asked where the scanner and the printers were. I told him downstairs on the first floor. Then he asked if we had a map showing all of the libraries in our system. I told him that we did, unfortunately not up on this floor, but that he could grab one at the checkout desk downstairs. There was a long pause and then he said “what I really want to know is, do all of the libraries have the same Internet? I mean, can I go to another library and use the same Internet that I do here?”

 I reassured the patron that yes, all four libraries had the same Internet.

'Technology' Librarian

I know that I am easier to reach than the IT department is, but please be advised that the things below are not my job just because I am the Technology Librarian:

• Resetting your work computer password
• Finding you a spare extension cord
• Helping you with your personal cell phone
• Figuring out why your webcam won't work three years into the era of virtual meetings
• Replacing a clock
• Explaining to a patron why the website they want to go to is blocked just because you don't feel like breaking the bad news yourself

Characters

 Now that I mainly work at the administrative office, I fill in randomly at all four branches in our library system. The one I've been spending time at lately has more characters than the others. It reminds me a little bit of Downtown Library in Michigan.

A patron cried because a different patron (4 computers away from her) was banging too enthusiastically on her keyboard while she played her online poker game.

There's another mid-30s white woman with shoulder-length light brown hair and rectangular glasses who works at this branch. People are constantly getting annoyed at me because "you helped me yesterday, how do you not know what I want!?" when Stephanie helped them yesterday, not me. I finally benefit from this inability to tell us apart when a clear Problem Patron refuses to ask me for help and chooses my unfortunate coworker to be her victim instead--it becomes clear that Stephanie enforced a library rule with her previously and now the patron refuses to engage with her (or, apparently, with anyone who looks like her).

A patron asked me to look up how far it was to Houston. He was going to walk there and wanted an estimate of how long it would take (about 85 hours).

And today, a patron told me he was "as fine as the hair on a frog" and then laughed to himself for several minutes.

I want it, I just don't want to tell you I want it

 Our library doesn't allow you to get on a computer unless you have a library card, and we charge a fee for nonresidents. This isn't so much directed at nonresidents as it is residents who owe the library money--turns out if you block someone's computer access all of a sudden they are a lot more likely to bring back their overdue books. I don't love the policy, but I see the logic.

My pet peeve of patrons complaining about rules is the ones who won't outright ASK you for an exception, but instead are weirdly passive-aggressive about it. I had this conversation with a patron today:

Patron: Hi, I need to get on a computer.

Me: Sure, do you have a library card?

Patron: No.

Me: That's all right. Do you live here in [City]?

Patron: I used to live in [nearby City], but I don't live there anymore.

Me: I'm sorry, but unfortunately we charge a nonresident fee for a library card. I can give you a computer-access only card for $10.00 for a year, or a full-access card for $40.00.

Patron: I've never heard of that before. The library in [nearby City] used to give you a guest pass.

Me: It's really more for our own residents. We found that blocking people's computer access when they have overdue materials helps us get the materials back. Lots of us don't really like the policy, but we would need the approval of our city council to change it.

Patron: I went to [Other Library] yesterday and they didn't charge me to use the computer.

Me: ...

Patron: I have a library card for [random other city].

Me: I'm sorry, you would need one of our cards to get on a computer.

Patron: ...

Me: So if you would like to sign up for a library card, I will just need to see your ID.

Patron: ...Never mind.

If you're not even willing to use the words "Can you please make an exception for me," I'm not willing to make an exception for you. At least meet me that 10% or so of the way. I mean, come on.

Curbside callousness

Like many public libraries, my library is not letting people into the building, but will let people come pick up their requested materials via curbside service. Our administration had the brilliant idea that we should get a service that allows patrons to text us when they are here for their pickup instead of calling. It's supposed to save us time because it forces the patron to go through a little back-and-forth to collect information before we even see their message. The phone number isn't on the website or anything, it's ONLY posted in the parking spots where patrons who are picking up their held materials are supposed to park for curbside service.

How the new text service is supposed to go:
Patron: Hi I'm here to get my books.
Chatbot: Welcome to [library system]'s curbside service! Text "book" to get started.
Patron: Book
Chatbot: What is your first and last name?
Patron: Ramona Quimby
Chatbot: What parking spot are you in?
Patron: Spot 1
At this point, on the staff side, we get a message saying:
Name: Ramona Quimby
Parking spot: Spot 1 

Them we trot cheerfully out to Ms Quimby, who is indeed actually parked in spot #1 and is even wearing a face mask and keeping her window rolled up, and has her trunk popped, and we drop her stuff in the trunk and close it and she drives away. Brilliant, right? Here's how the chatbot actually works. It turns out you can type in absolutely f-ing anything in response to the chatbot's questions, so lots of 'conversations' go like this:

Patron: why can't I come into the library to print?
Chatbot: Welcome to [library system]'s curbside service! Text "book" to get started.
Patron: i don't want a book, I want to get n the computer!
Chatbot: What is your first and last name?
Patron: cruella deville
Chatbot: What parking spot are you in?
Patron: why does tha mattter??? i just want to come in the library!
Staff member (who can only see: "Name: Cruella Deville. Parking spot:
why does tha mattter??? i just want to come in the library!"): Hi Ms. Deville. I'm sorry, but no one can come into the library right now. Did you need to pick up your requests?
Patron: no I need to get on a f-ing computer!!!!!!!!
Staff member: I'm sorry, but you can't do that right now. If you'd like to call us at [redacted], we might be able to help you find somewhere else than can help you with what you need.
Staff member: *bangs head on desk in frustration*

Patrons lately

Patrons lately:


Patron:Can I talk to someone who speaks better Spanish than you?
Me (out loud): Yes, ma'am, one moment.
Me (in my head): Yes, but she's still going to tell you the same rules I just told you.


Patron: Can I sign up for a library card? I need some kind of ID to prove to T-Mobile that I'm me.
Me: I'd be happy to sign you up for a library card, but I don't think the phone company will accept it as ID. It just looks like this [shows her a new library card] and you can sign the back.
Patron: Couldn't you just, like, print out a picture of me and tape it to the card?
Me: It doesn't work like that, sorry.


Patron: Who do I report a building problem to?
Me: I'm the branch manager. I'd be happy to hear about your issue. If I can't fix it, I can pass it on to the facilities team and they can.
Patron: One of your bushes outside is dead. You should get that fixed right away!

Patron: Do you have, like, a copy machine, but instead of making, you know, a copy, it makes a copy on the computer?
Me: Yes! It's called a scanner, let me show you how it works.
Patron: Oh, wow! That's great! How much does it cost to make a computer copy?


Patron who I had to ban last week for repeatedly coming into the library drunk: *tries to come in the building when I open the doors at 9:00 a.m. sharp*
Me: Mr. Gomez, you can't come back to the library until November! Remember, the police came last week and talked to you? I was there?
Patron: *stares at me with a total lack of recognition for a few seconds and then shuffles away in resignation*
Me: Have a nice day, sir!


Patron: I'm looking for a list of Chicano authors active in the 1970s. Is there a way I can do that better than just searching the library catalog?
Me: Oooh, let me tell you about the internet!
 

Toddlers vs. libraries

Walnut Bluff has an AWE-brand "early learning station," a.k.a. a computer designed for young kids with educational games on it. Ours is password-protected because there is sometimes some...inter-generational tension over whether to read books or play on the computer. Toddler A is sitting on the computer randomly pounding on the keyboard, but of course it's not doing anything because it's on the lock screen.
Coworker to toddler's mom: Do you need the password?
Mom: Oh, thanks. I don't know, let me check.
She walks over to her son, leans down, and has a short exchange with him. Then she laughs.
Mom to coworker: No, thank you! He says he's 'hacking.'

Toddler B crying during a kids' craft activity where they are coloring a monster mask.
Me to family: Hi, are you guys okay?
Grandma: Don't worry, we'll be fine. He wanted me to hold his mask up in front of my face so he could see what he drew, but then he got scared. 

Toddler C to dad as dad is at the front desk checking out their books: Dad, I want a grilled cheese sandwich!
Dad: Jacob, this is a library! They don't have those here!

And you may ask yourself, "How do I work this?"

A patron wandered up to the desk and announced "I need to save a document on my drive." Seeing as she was holding a flash drive in her hand, I walked her back to her computer and guided her through plugging the drive in and locating the "save" function on Microsoft Word. When we finally got to the correct folder to save it in she said that she wanted to change the document's name from the default. I showed her how to do that. She typed "[Patron] resume" and then: "What year is it?...Oh, right, 2019...What month is it?" I just said "It's May, ma'am. Good luck with your job search!"

Other duties as assigned, part 2

I've mentioned before that something I love about my job is how varied the work is. I was a little worried that when I became a manager I would lose that, but it turns out that the duties I've lost are more than made up for by the new things I have gained. Here are some ways I spent work time this week:

• Helping little kids play "Pin the Hat on the Cat" during a Dr. Seuss birthday celebration (3/4 of them cheated, kids are weird)
• Attending training on how to do storytime (Less so I can do it and more because I was worried that if I wasn't in the room certain staff members I had assigned to attend would not take it seriously)
• Helping a patron who is trying to make a DACA case and wants to see if we can provide proof that he has a library card
• Counting the total number of each kind of chair we have in out building, as step 1 in a plan to convince Administration to buy us more
• Creating a little training quiz about library policies that my staff can use to meet a system requirement for "continuing learning"
• Writing a thank you note to a local business that donated a prize for us to give out during a recent program (made me feel important)
• Posting to social media about a library program we have coming up. No matter how carefully I try to make sure I include the name of the library and the address and the date and the time and the phone number and the intended age range and that no registration is required and that the program is free, it never fails that I miss one of those pieces of information and immediately someone posts a question asking about the missing piece and I feel like an idiot.
• Counting out 837 Goldfish crackers to put in a guessing jar for the Dr. Seuss program. Embarrassed that I never before considered and appreciated the work done by guessing jar creators.
• Helping a patron who heard from everybody at church that it was essential she have a LinkedIn profile for her job search, but who had no clue what LinkedIn was

Mystery of the lost scooters

Before we open in the morning someone has to go out and put up the U.S. and Texas flags and empty the book drop that is outside the front door of the library. It can be a pain because there are often patrons lurking in the lot trying to get you to help them before the library opens.

I was out emptying the drop this morning and two guys in hi-viz jackets inside a transit van pulled up next to me. The van was just white--no company markings. A pet peeve of mine is that city contractors often show up outside library opening hours and expect to be let in even though we haven't been notified by the city that they are coming, so I mentally rolled my  eyes, expecting this to be that. They guys rolled down the window and we had this conversation:

Me: Hi, can I hep you?
Guys: Hi, we're from Uber and our app says there should be two Uber scooters here.
Me: Okay. We don't open until ten o'clock, but when people bring scooters we usually ask them to leave them on the bike rack right over there.
Guys: *Just stare at me from their truck*
Me: *Walks over to check the bike rack, hoping they'll get the hint* Well, it looks like there aren't any over here...
Guys: Well, our app says they are inside the building. 
Me: Well, I don't think so, but you're welcome to come back at ten and check, just in case. 

The guys drove away and I went back to emptying the drop. As I was finishing up, I heard someone calling "Miss? Miss? Could you come over here for just a second?" and looked up to see that the guys had parked across the alley, opposite the staff entrance to the library. I walked over there and prepared to tell them firmly that no, I would not let them into the staff area to look for their scooters, but then they pointed at our HVAC room, which has a separate entrance next to the staff door.

Uber guys: The app says the scooters are in there...
Me: I really don't think so. That is our HVAC room and the public isn't allowed in there.
Guys: *Stare at me expectantly*
Me: Later today I can check in there, just in case...on the off-chance that I find one, what do you want me to do with it?
Guys: Just, um, put it outside?
Me: Okay, I'll do that later.

And I stared at them until they finally drove away.

(I kind of kick myself for even doing this, but I really did check the HVAC room for scooters. Unsurprisingly, there weren't any in there.)

That's Google calling

Today I had a computer help appointment to help a patron sign up for an email. This is a really common thing because the local public housing authority requires you to have one for some unfathomable reason, and we are just down the street.

This guy was a real beginner, as in 'didn't know what the mouse is' level. He was also just having a rough time in life at the moment--he was caught in the awful web of the housing authority because he was trying to get emergency housing. Fortunately, he had a buddy with him (possibly a relative but, from the way they interacted, they didn't seem related).

The buddy brought the guy in to make the appointment and then came back with him and sat through it with the two of us. He didn't know a ton more about computers, but he knew more than his friend and he would helpfully point out where a letter on the keyboard was or repeat my instructions in different words if his friend was struggling. However, he always waited a few moments to let his friend try it himself first. For the first three quarters of the session, I was thinking that if the buddy knew more about computers he could teach the session just as well as I could and I'd be totally obsolete.

As I said, the applicant was really struggling, like, a lot. I think he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer to begin with, or maybe it was just because he was under a lot of stress, but he kept forgetting what he'd chosen as his email and password, even though his friend had written it down, stuff like that. In contrast, the other guy was picking things up really quickly, but again held back to let his friend try things on his own.

Anyway, we got to the point where the applicant had to get a verification code on his phone from Google, and he said he didn't have text, so I showed him the "Get a phone call instead" option and got him to click the button. His phone immediately rang, and he stared at it in confusion for a few seconds, causing his friend to finally snap. The buddy yelled "That's Google calling! Answer your god-damned phone!"

He had to go stand in the lobby and cool down for a couple of minutes. It was like watching my own id work alongside me.

Mystery Library in brief

This is the busiest library job I've ever had (I think a past retail job edged this one out by a little bit) and I know the blog is suffering. I'm also working on a professional project that, ironically, I won't be sharing here since it will be linked to my real identity, and I really appreciate having anonymity on this blog. I feel like I can be honest about both the good and the bad of my employers since it's not reflecting on them.

Anyway, since it's been a while, here's a lightning round update of the goings-on at Mystery Library:

Computer things people have been struggling a lot with lately:
-Number lock
-The '@' sign (what it is, how to refer to it, and how to make it appear on the screen)
-Where to plug in a flash drive

The ESL teacher came by the front desk and said "Weird question, but does anyone have a bag of hot Cheetos?" Sadly it was a really busy shift and I never got a chance to find out the context.

No cereal in the parking lot this week. I hope the Cereal Leaver is okay. I really hope they finally decided to stop littering cereal.

Two different Hispanic toddlers pointed at the World Cup logo on our soccer display and exclaimed "Mexico!" 

A man brought in a balloon and tied it to the chair he was sitting in. Somehow it popped and he was really mad.

I cleaned several pistachio shells off of a shelf in the Large Print section.

I live in fear that someday while raising or lowering the flag outside the library (the pole is not lit at night so the flag code says it should come down each evening) that I'll touch the flag to the ground and horrify some patriotic Texan. I was starting to think I was overcautious, but then last week I noticed one of our patrons stop on the way out and salute while I lowered the flag at sunset.

A real live princess (a 20-something woman with a brilliant smile and as much patience as she had makeup) came for a tea party program, and I got to see some kids having the greatest day of their lives so far.

The revelation of Fedex

One of the parts of my job I like a lot is doing one-on-one computer tutoring, but it can be a challenge. Today I had an elderly gentleman who needed to check his email, but who didn't understand what email was.

Me: Email is a lot like regular paper mail, except instead of having a regular address, you have an address that you can use to check your mail from any computer. This part of your email address before the "at" sign is like your street address.
Patron: [looks at me uncertainly]
Me: The part after the "at" sign is the name of the company that sends and receives your messages. So your company is Yahoo.
Patron: Ain't it all Yahoo?
Me: No, there are different companies that can do your email. Like...you know how, besides the U.S. Postal Service, there are other companies that can send packages and letters, like Fedex and UPS?
Patron: Well, that's a revelation to me!
Me: Okay, never mind. Imagine you wanted to send a letter to Mexico. You'd give your letter to the American post office--
Patron: But I don't know anyone in Mexico! I don't want to send a letter there!
Me: [sighs]

An hour later, we had submitted a finished application for section 8 housing, so things worked out. But it was a tough one for sure.

Today's consulting firms

If I could save up the money to hire a software developer, I'm 100% confident that I could create a better product for computer management and patron printing than Envisionware, which currently dominates the public library market.*

After shelving in a little-used area, I'm also considering expanding my hypothetical weeding business to encompass all kinds of discarding. We will also take down all your posters advertising programs and services that no longer exist, recycle your cupboard full of outdated electronics, and toss out all the mysterious objects filling up the drawers at the service desk that each employee is afraid to trash since she worries it belongs to someone else. The more that I think about it, the more I would happily provide that service at cost.

*Also, I'm 95% confident that I could create a company that's better to work at, too. I did a Google search for "envisionware problems" to see if I could find a good illustration for this post, and the first hit is its Glassdoor page, showcasing its 1-star review average.

Effective description

A polite teen reported that one of our computers had a virus by saying, "Excuse me, miss. That computer be trippin."

As practically a caricature of a white lady, I was flattered that he assumed I'd know what he meant. It's actually a really concise yet effective description.

Language barriers

Today a woman had a huge amount of trouble getting into her email on one of her public computer because her password included an á and a ¿. Of course when she is using her phone, its keyboard is set up for Spanish, so she was confused by this problem.

I also learned from my English Conversation Practice students that the word for "mustache" and the word for "whiskers" are the same in some Latin American countries. They wanted to know what a "mustache" was, and why it wasn't pronounced the same way as "headache," and "stomachache." I love this program, but it's making me start to hate the English language a little bit.

Entrepreneur

Businesses I daydream about starting on a quiet desk shift:


Weeding consultant firm: Do your librarians cling on to worn fiction or dusty reference books? Send in our company to pry the obsolete materials from their death grips and make your collection relevant, modern, and attractive!


Off-brand Geek Squad (I think they are limiting their market by only helping people who buy new Best Buy products): I am here to teach your grandma how to use the hand-me-down second generation Kindle that she just got when her grandchild got a new one for Christmas, and I promise to never roll my eyes!


Device lending library for libraries: Do you need your staff to practice with the latest iPhone, but pay them so poorly that none of them own one? Borrow one for a month from our rental service for a reasonable price, rather than buying a full-price gadget that will only be used for six months and then stored forever and ever in a locked cabinet in the branch manager's office!

Bad start to the week

A big crack in the ceiling, the catalog is down, the public computers are down, the new ESL teachers don't know anything, half the staff is out with the flu...my very nicest coworker says "I hate this f*cking job."

Excuse me...

"Is there any way you can switch me to another computer. This one has chicken all over it."


No, I had not misheard that. Grrrross.

A tough question

"If you were going to sell something on social media, would you use the internet, or would you use Google?"