You can't make this up

Today a grandmother called because her granddaughter had returned a pile of library books to the book drop and accidentally included one of her own books. We searched through our returns and found the granddaughter's book. The little girl had carefully written her name inside the front cover. Her name? "Paige Turner."

Grandma Librarian

Overheard at the checkout desk:

Head of circulation, to woman who is renewing the library cards of her two children: I bet you didn't realize this would be so much work!
Woman: No, I pretty much expected it. My mother used to be a librarian.
Child #1: What!?
Woman: You never knew that? Why do you think all the books at Grandma and Grandpa's  house have the Dewey Decimal system!?

Crow

The "Old Man Fan Club" tag continues to morph from 'old men who are fans of me' into 'old men of whom I am a fan.' Today an older man called the reference desk to ask, "I need the straight distance between Wittenberg, Germany and London, England. You know, as the crow flies. I'll take a round number. Thank you!"


I looked up the answer, in the process making an important discovery about Google Maps's "Measure Distance" tool (learn it yourself) and told him it was approximately 545 miles, to which he thanked me and added, "My crow can fly that easily!"

Meow

A pack of kids making eerily accurate cat noises for no apparent reason passed me on their way out of the library this evening.

Kids are so weird, guys.

Haikus

Someone on another website I read started a guessing game where you describe your job in haiku and other people try to guess your job title. I thought a mini version for library-themed poems might be fun. I submit:


I cannot tell you
What your email password is
This place is for books


and


Yes I pick the books
This collection is for everyone
Please don't yell at me

Mooselookmeguntic

This week's patron of the week is the woman who called this afternoon to ask: "What is the longest name of any town in the United States?" I struggled for a while to find an authoritative source, but I was able to learn that there exists such a thing as the United States Board of Geographic Names (it's some arm of the federal government) and that this question is #22 on its page of Frequently Asked Questions!


For those of you too lazy to click on the link, I present:

The following list is for names of communities only, and does not represent the longest name in the database.

These are the longest community names with a hyphen or "-" in the name and total number of characters.

• Winchester-on-the-Severn, MD (24)
• Linstead-on-the-Severn, MD (22)
• Lauderdale-by-the-Sea, FL (21)
• Vermillion-on-the-Lake, OH (21)
• Wymberly-on-the-March, GA (21)
• Kentwood-in-the-Pines, CA (21)

These are the longest community names without a hyphen or "-" in the name and total number of characters.

• Mooselookmeguntic, ME (17)
• Kleinfeltersville, PA (17)
• Chickasawhatchee, GA (16)
• Chancellorsville, VA (16)
• Eichelbergertown, PA (16)

Programmed

We are hosting a programming class at our library in a couple of weeks and have various things around the library advertising it. Today I overheard an older man say about his wife, "So I can bring here in and you can re-program her?! There's hope after all!?"

It's funny. The Old Man Fan Club tag used to be for old men who were my fans; now it's generally for old men of which I am a fan.

Strip malls

What I wish West Side Library shared its strip mall with:
1. An office supply store (for regular envelopes, manila envelopes, resume paper, etc.)
2. A post office (for stamps, and for posting tax returns at 4:50 p.m. on April 14th)
3. A childcare center (of course, convincing patrons to use it instead of us would be another matter)

4. A cheap cafe (drink your coffee and brightly-colored energy drinks there, please, not at our computers!)

What West Side Library actually has in its strip mall:
1. A hair salon
2. A tax preparer
3. A taco place
4.A liquor store

Best comments

One of the things I love about doing this blog is all the stuff I learn from the comments, especially because they are usually delivered in a humorous way. Here are some of the best things I've learned from the blog's comments:

"no one wants to *look* "stupid" --we prefer to *act* stupid." (On Hypocrisy)

"Libraries would be better if their policies were based on good data rather than on what some middle-class white woman has been doing for 30 years." (On How Are My Numbers?)

"Emergency cake is a fabulous idea. Working scissors is a pipe dream." (On Supplies I Have Wished for at the Reference Desk)

"Pseudoscience, the patrons love it." (On Things To Worry About)

"patrons with coats over their heads=trouble" (On Curses)

And my very favorite:

"people really do want to be told what to do, but not in respect of the things I want them to do, if you know what I mean." (On Overheard by the Staff Elevator)