Librarian low points (part 2)

• Seeing one of your problem patrons push his way in just as the library is closing (contributed by an anonymous commenter)
• Keeping an ugly, outdated book in your collection area because it's the only one you have.
• Using painstaking, by-hand labor to do something that should be done by printing technology that your library system is too cheap to pay for (coloring in a black-and-white printout, taping together multiple sheets of paper to make a poster, etc.)
• The first time someone says "You're a librarian? It must be so nice to get paid just to read books!" and you don't even bother to explain, you just say "Uh huh."
•  Labeling an office supply with your own name. You're one of Them now.

Jargon

Did I mention that my latest job is as the technology librarian for the system, and that I'm one of the system administrators for our integrated library system? Somehow despite getting a degree in history, I had to learn these terms today:

API=Application Programming Interface: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/API

URI=Unique Resource Identifier (not the same as a URL): https://danielmiessler.com/study/difference-between-uri-url/

Bonus: When I did an initial Google search for "what is an API" Google suggested "What is an API in simple terms" which I think tells you everything you need to know about how my day has been.

Librarian low points (part 1)

• Checking out a book just so you don't have to figure out how to reshelve it in a very full set of shelves.
• Bringing in your own bathroom soap from home
• Receiving your third pair of literary-themed socks
• Walking by that patron that is always taking their shoes off/sitting in the aisle/talking too loudly on the phone and, for once, just pretending to yourself that you didn't see them
• Having the dream where it's your evening shift and you can't go home until you get all the patrons to leave for the night, but more and more of them just keep coming in

Working a shift at a branch today

Where is the little people's area? [Kids, not adults who are very short]

I want to get my GED. Can the library help me?

A toddler is crying loudly while I check out her mom's books. In an attempt to help, I make a funny face at her when she makes eye contact with me. She reacts by turning up the crying to a full meltdown.

Another patron who wants to get on a computer without a library card and, when told the policy, wants us to break it for him, but won't SAY that that's what he wants.

Can you get a book out of storage for us? Swiss Family Robinson? Oh wait, I mean an audiobook.

Can I do community service at the library? [The answer depends on if they mean the court-ordered kind or not.]

This computer won't play any sound even though I have my headphones plugged in.

Where do you keep the books on request?

There is a glass wall between the children's section and the adult section at this branch. Library assistant at the reference desk calls down to the checkout desk to tell me that a man has walked full-speed into it and gotten a bloody nose--"Just a heads up, I gave him an ice pack and some paper towels and I think he's going to be fine, but I'm going to submit an incident report."

Mom is signing her six kids up for library cards and has to fill out a consent form that is thoughtfully streamlined so that parents of more than one child don't have to sign multiple forms, they just have to add a line with each child's name and date of birth. But still she asks "Do I have to write down ALL of  them?"

Patron: Do you have a copier?
Me: Yes. Well, we have a scanner, you need to scan to print.
Patron: I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do that.

A librarian from another branch called--a patron had an interlibrary loan sent to you, but he changed his mind about where he wants to pick it up. Can you send it over here instead?

Homeless regular: Hi Miss...Sarah?

Pretty close, pretty close.

I lost my library card. Is there any way I can still check out books?

Two different patrons ask me how many books they can have checked out on heir library card (50 at a time)--one is horrified by how much that is, one is concerned it won't be enough.

Shoe saws

 A patron comes up to the front desk: Hi, do you have a lost and found?

Me: Yes, we do. What are you missing?

Patron: Some shoe saws.

Me: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. Could you repeat that?

Patron: Some SHOE SAWS.

Me [trying and failing to Google what I think I'm hearing]: ... All right, can you describe them?

Patron [mumble mumble] gray [mumble mumble] Watson logo.

Me: I'll go check for you. While I do that, would you like to write down your name, number, and what you lost? That way if it's not in the lost and found but we find it later, we can call you.

Unsurprisingly, I don't find anything matching the patron's description in the lost and found. When I come back, he's written down his name and phone number, but no description. Darn. When I tell him that unfortunately I couldn't find his items, he wanders forlornly away.

A couple hours later, the phone rings.

Me: Checkout desk, this is Emma, how can I help you?

Librarian at the ref desk: Hey Emma. Do you remember the incident report from last week about the guy who tried to convince the janitorial staff to let him go on the roof?

Me: Yeah...

Librarian: That guy you just checked the lost and found for, that was the guy! Did you get his information?

I wonder if the roof is where is shoe saws are.

I want it, I just don't want to tell you I want it

 Our library doesn't allow you to get on a computer unless you have a library card, and we charge a fee for nonresidents. This isn't so much directed at nonresidents as it is residents who owe the library money--turns out if you block someone's computer access all of a sudden they are a lot more likely to bring back their overdue books. I don't love the policy, but I see the logic.

My pet peeve of patrons complaining about rules is the ones who won't outright ASK you for an exception, but instead are weirdly passive-aggressive about it. I had this conversation with a patron today:

Patron: Hi, I need to get on a computer.

Me: Sure, do you have a library card?

Patron: No.

Me: That's all right. Do you live here in [City]?

Patron: I used to live in [nearby City], but I don't live there anymore.

Me: I'm sorry, but unfortunately we charge a nonresident fee for a library card. I can give you a computer-access only card for $10.00 for a year, or a full-access card for $40.00.

Patron: I've never heard of that before. The library in [nearby City] used to give you a guest pass.

Me: It's really more for our own residents. We found that blocking people's computer access when they have overdue materials helps us get the materials back. Lots of us don't really like the policy, but we would need the approval of our city council to change it.

Patron: I went to [Other Library] yesterday and they didn't charge me to use the computer.

Me: ...

Patron: I have a library card for [random other city].

Me: I'm sorry, you would need one of our cards to get on a computer.

Patron: ...

Me: So if you would like to sign up for a library card, I will just need to see your ID.

Patron: ...Never mind.

If you're not even willing to use the words "Can you please make an exception for me," I'm not willing to make an exception for you. At least meet me that 10% or so of the way. I mean, come on.

I love patrons who are funny to themselves

Earlier this week I was called out to the reference desk because there was a patron requesting a very specific book and he was getting frustrated that the library assistant on desk couldn't find it. I eventually helped him ID it once I understood that it was a niche geneology title. Let's say for the sake of argument it was "The Schmidts of Oklahoma." We did not own it, of course, so I worked with him to place an interlibrary loan request for it.

Me: "And do you have your library card with you, sir?"

Patron: "No, I'm afraid I don't."

Me: "No problem. We can look it up by your name."

Patron: "Paul Schmidt."

Me: "Well, I guess I should have guessed that, huh? Although I suppose the book could be about your mother's family."

Patron: "She recently told me they were all known criminals back in England. [pause] Not the Schmidts, though, the Schmidts have a pure record [laugh]."